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How To Know You Are Enough & Have Others Know It Too

shopaholic information -marisa peer, helen mcnallen, compulsive shopper “I am ENOUGH” can be one of the most powerful statements of all and is amongst my favourite mantras. As you read on you will begin to understand just how important these words are and how you can use them for maximum impact and lasting confidence.

Knowing that you are enough is such an important aspect of having inner peace and the realisation that you are enough is a core need. In order to have real inner confidence and lasting self esteem you must know, feel and believe that you are enough because this realisation is very much at the heart of confidence. Knowing you are enough is so much more than the freedom from needing excessive amounts of material goods or compulsive spending . Feeling that you are “enough” frees you from so many unnecessary insecurities that can impact your confidence. The feeling of not being good enough, worthy enough, or interesting enough can be a major contributor or cause of the depression, stress, anxiety compulsive shopping and overspending that so many people in the western world suffer with. We feel not interesting enough, not attractive enough, not smart enough, not rich enough and specifically not good enough and we try to fix that by buying stuff. There is a name for this it’s called “excessive sickness” the need to buy things to excess and then buy even more because of an inner need to feel worthy that is unrecognised and untreated. When one of my clients in America told me she had excessive sickness I did not realise what she was describing. She was not being excessively sick, she just needed stuff in excess as she felt worthless and empty and buying lots of items was simply a filler for her emptiness, as it is for all compulsive shoppers. 

I had been working with people with shopping issues for several years and was very struck by the fact that they never felt they were enough in themselves and often could not get enough. They overspent,  overcompensated by working too long and too hard, over shopped and often hoarded stuff. It wasn’t hard to make a connection and the connection became clearer with every client I saw for therapy for compulsive spending.

Wanting and needing too much generally stems from an inner feeling of lacking, of something being missing inside us or, as one of my patients described to me, a feeling of being empty inside. Therefore, we feel we need more and more material things so that we think ‘I have all this stuff so I must be worthwhile’  The shopping is an attempt to feel worthwhile and compensate for the lack we feel inside and to fill the void within us.

Instead of filling that void with items and purchases you need to understand that the void exists only in your mind and you have the power to close it for good.

Another of my clients was a shopaholic who shopped to fill the emptiness and to feel as significant and valued as she once had at work. Her need to be perfect had made her a workaholic and when she worked herself to a breakdown and had to be signed off she replaced working with shopping and then suffered dreadful suicidal depression. She became fully cured by realising that she was enough and by reminding herself of this daily.

You can find happiness and inner peace by telling yourself every day that you are enough and by understanding that everything you buy is because of how you think it will make you feel . When you can get the feeling without the purchases you are recovered. Look around at all the stuff you already have - if those shoes, that bag or fragrance could make you feel enough why is it not working and why do you need more? You can stop shopping excessively, stop being in debt and achieve real inner happiness by reminding yourself daily of this truth -‘I am enough, I have enough I don’t need more’. This stops overeating and binging too as the same feeling of emptiness that we try to fill with shopping others try to fill with food.

I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to tell yourself you are enough. It is so simple but the results can be life changing. You must say “I AM ENOUGH” constantly, say it out loud, say it with feeling, say it like you mean it and say it over and over again and do so for weeks until it sinks in and replaces the feeling that you are not enough which is holding you back. This will make you feel enough and when you know you are enough you can make eye contact because you don’t feel other people are better than you. You will effortlessly hold yourself well, carry yourself well, have confident body language, walk with ease, talk at the right volume—not too loud or soft or fast—you can be heard and you listen and you feel free to have an opinion rather than agreeing with others. You have good energy and as people sense that, you feel good about yourself they will like you more.  We all gravitate towards people who have inner peace. You don’t need to pretend you are anything else or to live a lie you can be truthful about who you are and live in the truth. And the truth is:

Your past is not you

Your bank account is not you

Your body is not you

Your weight is not you

Your age is not you

Your job is not you

Your clothes and their labels are not you

These are just the wrappings

      What you look like is just the packaging - who you are inside is much more important. That does not mean it isn’t important to make the best of yourself and to ensure that you feel good about how you look. However, if looking good made us happy and confident there would not be so very many people who are considered gorgeous who are desperately unhappy and even suicidal.

Many people don’t understand self praise or what I prefer to call “statements of truth” because when they repeat a positive statement they come up with all kinds of objections.

It goes something like this:

You say ‘I AM ENOUGH’ to yourself and you find your mind coming up with all kinds of objections such as:

“I am not really enough because I don’t have a great job and I don’t earn enough money.”

“I am not enough I don’t even have a car.”

At this stage many people give up not realising that it is YOU who is coming up with the objections and YOU who has the power to stop them. To fix that for good add the objection into the statement like this:

”I may not have a lot of money but I am still enough.’

“I am enough with and without a car.”

“How come I never get promoted’ becomes “I will get my promotion even sooner as I accept I am enough. As I increase my sense of value and worth so does my boss and my colleagues.”

“How come I don’t have a relationship if I am enough?” becomes       “My fears kept people away, but as I accept I am enough so will any person I get involved with. The more I like me the more they will like me.”

      It’s natural to initially come up with objections to the ‘ENOUGH’ statements you simply need to look at the objections and shoot them down with something better. If you keep on with the self praise and statements of truth, eventually you will run out of objections and you brain will conclude “You say this so often and with such conviction it must be true” and with that your brain is agreeing with you and you are finally making real progress.

Now you are becoming a physical expression of what you believe I am enough instead of becoming a physical expression of the opposite I am not enough so I need to buy lots of things.

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Marisa Peer
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