Weeks ago I was listening to Martin Lewis on radio 2 saying we should ban christmas presents. He had a very strong arguement and it made me think of the pressure I MIGHT be putting on my friends to buy christmas presents back. He talked about giving friends old DVD’s and recycle stuff we had in the house. He talked to one lady who had been given a present from a friend that was so lovely it made her feel dreadful she had not bought that friend something back. He had a very strong point about preventing people from getting too far into debt with the pressures of buying christmas presents and what the christmas gift culture has created an expectation of giving and receiving which is costing people an unecessary small fortune. A couple of my friends have agreed they would rather not buy christmas presents. One friend has a nightmare of a time finding the suitable present that somebody might like. Another friend was very broke and we discussed we should give eachother love and laughter that was the best gifts. Another friend was worried she had not spent enough on her grand children because she was broke then we both agreed it was the time she spent with them playing that meant more than expensive gifts because she does have alot of time to give them and she is very loving and caring. I have one friend is very very poor at the monent and told her not to give me a present and she insisted she would. Anyway I have opened up a can of worms with my friends about Christmas presents and got myself tied in knots with worry about buying gifts. My husband tells me not to buy gifts for people it gives them the horrid pressure of having to buy stuff back and they won’t thank me for it. Years ago a boyfriend took me shopping he bought me a jumper worth £50 and I thought he was wonderful then as the days passed he got really angry with me I spent £50 on you and you haven’t spent the same on me. Sadly I couldn’t afford £50 at the time, that was his choice not mine I never asked him to buy the jumper, should I have spent the same back. Also year after year I had watched my mother moan about what she had bought her best friend and her friend had only bought her a cheap necklace I saw that the giving a receiving of gifts was becoming so distressing for her that my mother suggesteed banning christmas presents. Please would you help me decide is it wrong to buy presents, is it a waste of time and money, should we just spend our money on the children in our life (husbands included because he is a big kid at heart) ?

X’mas is magic and I see it as a family&love; ones gathering time.  I love this time of the year as it is filled with hope, love, ending and new beginnings.  For me, I have been collecting X’mas presents throughout the year.  I found some of my X’mas presents from my overseas trip recently.  Chloe, my thinking towards presents is pretty pure.  It is simply my gesture and love that count the most, not necessary the value of the goods if that make sense.  Throughout the year, I discover what family and friends wish to have as presents, then I try to get them those things that they need in life.  To be quite honest, I have not finished my X’mas shopping yet, and I asked a friend to go shopping with over the next few weeks, so we can help each other out.  Also it is fun to catch up with each other at the same time.  It makes the festival season even more colorful when you share the love with someone that you can have a laugh with.  I would love to make my own presents for loved ones one day.  However, I am not very handy when it comes to those type of craft! 

Thank you for mentioning the topic, Chloe.  You are so thoughtful and caring.

Oh Hope XXX you are so gorgeous and turned off my paranoid brain Xxxyes I collect stuff too and it’s not about getting it back for me it’s the small thank you in a material gesture for the love care and understanding somebody has shown towards me as a friend. I have a friend in Australia and when she thanks me she says I feel so bad and then I think of gosh it’s not to make you feel bad Xx she lost her little boy in a terrible tragedy and I just love pouring love her way through little material things I find over here so that I say hey we love ya Xx keep smiling Xx I am hoping it’s just a figure of speech and that I do make her smile because she has been through alot of hell. I remember when I was not well I might not have liked the ones who fussed over me at the time, yet now I look back and I smile Xxx and I appreciate that love now so much more now Xx
Yes I was worried other people might have an issue about it like me XXI LOVE YOU Hope XxHUG XX I feel so much better Xx thank you xx

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=2069857&page=6

This is Martyn Lewis forum interesting reading and he does have a point Xx

I just think nobody deserves to feel miserable at Christmas Xxx and I have heard people say they hate Christmas because of the pressures of buying gifts and the expense and I have heard other people love the present giving gesture of good will. I do remember a time when my friends and I made eachother presents. I collected drift wood and shells off the beach and decorated a mirror tile. I think some of my friends and relatives still have one hanging in the downstairs loo. My friend made me some pickled peaches and they were gorgeous. I watched Kirstie making Christmas decorations tonight on the telly and I must admit I was inspired. I read on Martyns money tips a moment ago that some people cherish the great time they had out together rather than a gift, I read another person gives money to charity instead of buying gifts. Me I believe I have to tune my beliefs to each and every friend and family member and respect and love whatever their beliefs, because that is the way I am Xx Plus I have to be honest with myself and with them and when I run out of money I have to tell them I am really skint at the moment and give them my time. I guess I could write pledges I promise to babysit one night so you can go out together. Or be honest and respectful and ask my friends how they feel, and respect their wishes and beliefs and stand by them and be kind and caring in the hope we all understand eachother. I myself do get into debt buying presents and spend all year shopping for bargains to avoid the enormous expense christmas can bring.The financial burden of buying presents does worry me so I keep most of my gifts below a certain amount and keep the price tag on my gifts as a way of setting a boundary of expenditure between my friends. My friends see how little I have spent so they know I have set a low limit so as not to expect them to spend much on me or my family or not get me anything at all because the price was so very low. I did have a child tell me that I can’t think much of her because I am only happy to spend a small amount on her and that her grandmother buys expensive presents from Monsoon, she was a child so I understand Xx

Unfortunately, I absolutely hate Xmas, but I’m going to try to keep this brief and tone it down a bit for fear of spoiling the Xmas spirit a bit and possibly upsetting a few people.

I have no problem with families getting together and eating a nice meal etc., I’m just really against the commercialism of Xmas and the pressure that is put on everyone to buy presents, and that is now seems to be almost a competition at times to buy bigger and better presents than every other Tom, Dick or Harry. It also puzzles me why people give presents to kids under the age of say 3, cos lets face it, probably until 3, certainly older than 2, who really understands what things like Xmas and Birthdays are really all about?

I would love to know what percentage of people who receive presents actually attend Church every Sun.

I think it is far better to buy presents at whatever time of year you see fit. For example, if I see something in August that I know somebody wants, I’ll buy it. Surely that is far more of a surprise (everybody expects a present at Xmas) and a more personal thing from yourself, not from some obligation to buy. Why do you have to wait for Xmas? Or more accurately, why does it have to be on Xmas day? And if there isn’t anything a person wants at Xmas time, then don’t bother, wait til they do want something. Buying something for the sake of it (cos you know you HAVE TO buy something) is a complete waste of money and time. But maybe that is part of our wasteful, always wanting more and more, society.

Sorry, I’m ranting now and I said I wouldn’t, so I’m gonna stop, cos I could literally go on forever.

I totally agree there about the surprise in August theory ‘I love those surprises’ I have friends who buys me little gifts throughout the year flowers, cakes, pictures their children have drawn, framed photos. One friend framed a photo of the sunrise a friend had sent me. Once a friend turned up at my house with some Cath Kidston mugs and I was bowled over, another friend turned up with the most enormous bunch of flowers and I was speechless, other friend finds the most wonderful things I need from the recycling centre and another friend buys me little nick nacks when she sees them, that really warms my heart, another friend sends funny cards through the post with marshmellows and books I love to read. I find also that the monent is lost if a friend needs a scarf to keep her warm she needs it now when its cold not in a couple of weeks time and after December the weather seems to change for the better so the accessories are short lived and last season for next year. The themed christmas gifts ie santa aprons are useless after the day they are opened on and I wont hang them in the kitchen because I am superstitious. So I do agree with you and I do agree with Martin Lewis and I do agree with my husband. I just need to find a way of finding the true beliefs of my friends and detach the emotions because I know I can go through a little living hell worrying about what to buy people and I do get into the awkward situation of asking my husband for money, when I want to be the model wife and live on 2p, then my husband would think I am wonderful. Yes I just love buying somebody something in the middle of the year off the cuff and say I was thinking of you when I saw this and make them smile with surprise. I would also love to find a way of being able to give somebody something without them feeling guilty and the need to even the score and buy something back. Wayne Dyer says giving somebody something makes a person feel great and yet I feel can feel awful I come out of my comfort zone and feel a berk on some occassions, when people have thought the gift wasn’t necessary and I feel awkward. My husband says it doesn’t pay to be hard so it’s getting the balance right I guess. One friend has made me the most beautiful beautiful gifts christmas past and I know she has taken her time to make me feel special. However making presents is all about having that time and some mums haven’t that time to give because all their time is taken up with their children. Thank you Brencoot you have done it again and now I am reflecting on all the wonderful moments throughout the year of all the love and patience and little gifts I have received throughout the year from my friends and loved ones. You really are clever at drawing out the obvious looking at the facts so I can reflect on the positive. THANK YOU XXXXHUGXX you are very clever and wise and thank you for sharing your beliefs with me I really appreciate you XXXX

Thank you Xx Brencoot I am now taking the time to reflect on all the wonderful gifts of time and patience people have given me. I have wonderful friends that listen to me, respect me enough to give me her time Xxx a friend took her precious time yesterday to listen to me on the phone, people love kindness and patience throughout the year is worth more than an enormous present off of somebody. Time is such an important commodity people are paid for their time. When I was in sales a bank manager took one hour of my time to sell him gym member and he still wouldn’t shake on the deal so I thanked him for his time which was obviously an extortional amount per hour and sadly I could only offer him the minimum wage in time back. He had wasted his own time not mine, I was being paid and he wasn’t at work. My mother in law doesn’t have the desire to see my daughter most of the year no doubt she’ll receive another enormous gift this year to make up for it meoooow Xx Time is free and yet is priceless XXXXX thank you Brencoot for taking your time to answer me and giving me your honest oppinion. Feedback keeps most modern business in business and we are in the business of keeping people away from depression and your thoughts help people appreciate whats the big deal of a one day that is going to leave people broke for the rest of the year Xx

Hope your oppinions are wonderful Xxx the making the gifts, the buying them throughout the year so that there is no great rush, the love the laughter with friends the wonderful wonderful time you have for me Xxx with your wonderful replies Xx the wonderful time you have given your precious gift that your autobigraphy has helped others to see they can get better. All the time you took to write how you feel is a great gift to others this christmas that can read your story and know they are going to beat the black dog Xxx thank you for giving the gift of your feedback for giving your time to improve the quality of somebody elses christmas XXXand your ever warming heart felt smiley posts Xxx All the cakes you made this year to help us beat the blues Xxx I am bathing in the wonderful memories we have had together on depressioncanbefun and your beautiful gift of friendship empathy love and laughter THANK YOU XXXXX murrrr kiss Xxx

Brencoot I agree with what you say and I think at christmas it’s what I put into the relationship between husband and wife and it’s the differences I make in our lives for the better not about trophy presents Xxx ok ok this is what I am going to chant when I DON’T get my huge diamond trophy eternity ring oh hum Xxx ha ha ha put me in a shallow grave !!!! No my husband loves me to bits and he has huge respect for me he supports me when I am upset and he is kind and he doesn’t eye up other women. My husbands greatest gift to me is he loves me naked and he makes me feel loved xx

Oh gosh I have just realised what I have written ...ops !! Oh when you get old you’ll understand !!!!

I meant naked to describe actions, emotions, or behaviour which is open and not disguised in any way, like the naked truth. Depression can be fun Xx hope I made you laugh Xx

Trudie Le marie said in the sunday express magazine to avoid unwanted presents create a christmas wish list Xx and hire christmas frocks and gowns instead of buying them Xx hope this helps xx

Hello, everyone,
Chloe asked me for comments on this topic.
You all have very sensible opinions.  But, however you look at it, the actual chore of Christmas shopping itself: parking, crowded stores, queueing etc.  - is not very special.  But the actual day of Christmas is.
It is the day we show people that we love them in many ways, a smile, a hug, laughing and being together.
Whether you are a churchgoer, a gift buyer on the day or throughout the year - isn’t really important.
Perhaps we should try to behave to each other as though it is Christmas day every day and wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone did just that.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL   j x

Where is my favourite sis, Chloe?  Haven’t seen you for a few days, just want to let you know that I am thinking of you and hope you are looking after yourself well and enjoying the festival season!!!

Well, I had a busy day today, spent time with my family, had the X’mas tree decorated, did some X’mas shopping… blah blah blah.  It is nearly done, and I am quite happy with all the goodies I have discovered.  I bought myself a little shinny dress, and yes I know that I don’t need another dress, but just can’t say NO when it is just so pretty and on SPECIAL!!!  Don’t know what’s it with me and clothes, I can always find a reason to buy something new for myself.  What about you?  I wore it already, and people been complimenting on it.  Feels good to wear something new, nice, pretty if you know I mean?  Am feeling pretty tired now, and I will have an early night.

Thought to drop in and see how you are, sis Chloe.

Love you lots and sending you many best wishes!

Good night, and yes, I believe in Santa and X’mas and goodness in people - love is all around
lol

Hello All, I hope you are all doing fine in the lead up to Xmas and New Year?

Jean, I agree with what you say that Xmas Day itself, being with family and friends is good, but the thing I don’t like is that now-a-days, it seems to be that people are judged, or how much they care for a person, seems to be judged by how much we spend on a Xmas present for them. I know everybody will jump and say, “that’s not true”, but I feel it is, or at least I feel it is going that way. It seems like everything is judged now-a-days in monetary/material terms. It’s amazing how many times I hear people start talking about a new person/stranger, and 1 of the first questions (if the not the first) is related to money/status, like “what car have they got?” or “what job do they do?” or something like that. I never watch X Factor, but I happened to see about 5 mins of it a while ago at a friends house and thought it was funny how many of the contestants were saying things like, “I wanna be a better person, I don’t wanna go back to my 9 to 5 job…..”. It’s almost as if they were saying that having more money automatically makes them a better person. Unfortunately, it seems to be the way of the world.

Sorry, just ranting again. My point is, I think that Xmas can be a good time to be with family and have fun with them, but I don’t like how we are almost forced into buying presents to kinda show that we care. It shouldn’t be about that. Giving presents is nice, but as I said before, why does it have to be at Xmas, surely it can be at any time of year.

Chloe, you mentioned the feeling of guilt sometimes when you give a present. I don’t get that myself, I like giving, but I really don’t like receiving presents, whether at Xmas, birthday or whenever. I always feel that the person would have been better spending the money on themselves.