I guess you need to be -
C- Courageous
A-Actors
R- Robust
E- Enduring
R-Resiliant
S-Strong

Stay Strong
Hope your well Hug XxChloe

Dear Tulytops, it must be hard not to take it personally when the person you love lashes out at you.  You are certainly not selfish.  Depression the illlness is selfish.  It is so crippling because it affects the people around the sufferer as much as if not more than the sufferer.  Often the sufferer is so wrapped up in themselves that they are totally unaware of how they and their illness affect other people. It is very isolating for the carer which you have become by default as his wife.
Your husband seems to be getting the right sort of help and quite intensively which is hopefully a good thing. 
You are obviously a very capable person and although you are probably very drained, it may be easier to look after the children alone if your husband has to go into hospital for treatment.  You could really do with more time for yourself than 2 hours a day in your place of employment.  Is there any way that you could do something for yourself that could help you unwind, even if it’s having a warm bath in the evening before you collapse into bed or sit quietly and read a book or listen to your favourite music.  I know that you’ve said that your husband is paranoid even when you spend 20 minutes away from him but your support for him depends on you keeping yourself well.  I feel for you Tuly as I wasn’t aware of how draining I was on my husband until I was much better.  He was desperately in need of help himself by that time.  Please do try to look after yourself.  I see you have had the amazing TLC of Chloe on the forum.  Isn’t she amazing.  We are always here Tuly.  Thinking of you.  Best wishes, Helen

I have just logged on for the first time in a few days. Wow! Tulytops you have been having a really tough time. Great to see the support that sharing personal experiences can bring. seeing the dialogue between you and Chloe and Helen is a reminder that support and strength can be gained by both voicing our own difficulties and listening to the experiences of others.
It is so different to hold positions of responsibility and caring in the community than to provide care in deeply personal and significant relationships. The demands are so different - no switching off at the end of the working day or at weekends. I don’t live with a sufferer but I am in no doubt that the struggle must be enormous - balancing the needs of everyone in the household. But it so right to remember that as carers our needs are not secondary to our loved ones but equal. If we don’t take care of our own needs- which include pleasurable and positive experiences - our capacity to give is limited and not sustainable
It can be so hard to continually give love and support. We cannot be perfect. Depression or not, as humans its realistic to expect we can all be difficult to live with at some time or other
At the moment my friend is not communicating with me leaving me feeling I have not been good enough and that I have not given enough and that maybe the friendship has come to an end because I have not felt able to collude with all the negative thoughts.
Yet underneath -your discussion has strengthened me and reaffirmed more positive thinking which tells me that I have done the best that I am able to give, that this is the illness and not the person and I have to allow some time and space and believe that the bond between us is not lost forever. Look after yourselves. Much love x x

Henbant Xx I have had friends come back to me after 11 years Xx my experiences have shown people hold torches for those that have cared loved or respected them. I was recently left some money by a dear old friend I hadn’t seen in 7 years. We use to work together 26 years ago, the others used to tease him alot and I used to stick up for him at the risk of not being popular. I don’t know the real reason why he left me the money. Yet he did Xx when I am in a ‘right mind’ I look back at all the wonderful people that have been in my life and I thank them now. They are so high up on my list of whom I love and respect and cherish Xx I have one friend who took me in 18 years ago I had divorced my first husband and a bit destitute for love and friends. To this day I remember her kindness. I send her grandchildren gifts they can’t understand me, but she can. Offering love is also to offer that person space time reflection peace solitude, go up on the mountain to realise why it always seem to be you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone (big yellow taxi) or you can have whatever you want in this life as long as you dont want it. Letting the bird go and when it comes back its your friend, the freedom the space, it took me 10 years to realise how much I loved somebody when I was younger and sadly he met another woman and married her. I am very happily married now, don’t get me wrong yet. I get into moods about things and then when the time is right I get a realisation I miss them, I love them and I want that person back in my life, some may call it stubborn. When I was depressed I used to avoid people so they wouldn’t fall out with me, a bit like seeing a boy without make up on when I was younger I would run away and hide in fear he would never like me. I wanted to hide and return to the living as the good old me, not put on anybody, not scare people away or change their oppinion of me so I hid Xx I hope I have helped XxHUGxxX Your words to Tuly are beautiful XXXXX you a very clever beautiful educated woman, who wouldn’t want you in their life ? unless they didn’t want to scare you away XXhugXx In childrens stories when a witch turns somebody into a vile creature a toad or a beast nobody can love with the challenge that somebody has to ‘kiss’ them to release the spell a bit like a carer constantly kissing the beast until they that person is released from the depressing spell or curse of the black dog. HUG XXX perhaps childrens stories are there to teach us lessons of lifeXx much love Chloe Xx

Hi Chloe. What lovely uplifting thoughts. Your experiences of difficult times has given great insight Thank you for your time and kindness x x

Henbant XX In this life I am either regarded as a fool or very wise Xx I worry constantly that some might consider me a nut case. I am glad I can help XXX some might call it tuning in to anothers needs, some call it empathy Xx yet I say assume makes an Ass of U and me Xx (and the mother of all mess ups) so I must attempt not to assume when I assume I am constantly wrong. I play the assume game and assume things about friends and 99.99% I am wrong, when I ask them They say oh no it is because .... What ever is happening about your friend its probably not about you either XXHUGXX See I am assuming now yet I just had to say that Xx depression took me on another plane ...I was so hard on myself, I blamed myself for everything…I couldn’t fix it, it wasn’y my fault., yet everything was my fault it was horrid and I wanted to die ...it was just what is, what was, whats occurring.. I sang ‘ka sar ra sa ra’ and ‘speaking words of wisdom let it be’ when I got anxious I sang and sang, tears rolled down my face yet it put stuff into perspective. It was just a journey a lesson a route to a better place no pain no gain and all that. I am now in that better place and would not change it for the world. Anything that is worth fighting for is painful. Time does heal and like the seasons things change Xx HUGxxX with every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Being loving kind and generous with my time has always paid me well with love friendship and happiness back. Depression doesn’t affect the memory of a person or how kind you behaved they do remember the person who crossed the road when they saw them. Probably because that person didn’t know what to say or do. They know you made an attempt to help and in time they might thank you Xx I constantly thank the friend who climb the fence in my back garden to get to me and check I was ok at the time I hated her Xx I love her now I loved what she did for me Xx so kind generous and true at the time I didn’t see it Xx There again I attempted to help my sister when she had severe depression (my sister self harms) and she said stop trying to fix me with your psychology rubbish and told me to **** off and boy did that hurt and I was helpless and out of favour, she confided in other friends and rejected my attempts of help. What ever happens time heals and people with depression get better and they remember those who cared and those who don’t. I sort of found out who my friends were and still are XXHUGXX Chloe Xx

Tuly Xx I hope your well and happy XXx sending you A MASSIVE HUGXXXXX stay strong XXx your wonderful strong beautiful and wise Xxxx Time will out the demon dog Xx Chloe Xx

D- dark
E- elusive
P-presence
R-ruling
E-every
S-sensible sane
S- suggestion
I-inciting
o- overt
N- negativity

XXx XX HUG XX Xxx

D- does
E-eventually
P-passively
R-recover
E-exhibiting
S-small
S-smiles
I-is
O-occasionally
N-noticed

: ) xxxx

Dave crisp life coaching had this on his webpage today
I enjoyed it because assumption is the mother of all mess ups Xxx
The Mobile Phone Story

Several men were in a golf club locker room.

A mobile phone rings.

“Yes I can talk,” says the man answering the call, “You’re shopping are you? That’s nice.”

The listening men smile to each other.

“You want to order those new carpets? Okay.. And they’ll include the curtains for an extra five thousand?.. Sure, why not?”

More smiles among the listeners.

“You want to book that week on Necker Island?.. They’re holding the price at twenty-two thousand?.. Sounds a bargain.. You want a fortnight?.. If that’s what you want honey, okay by me.”

Smiles turn to expressions of mild envy.

“And you want to give the builder the go-ahead for the new conservatory? Seventy-five thousand if we say yes today? Sounds fair.. sure, that’s fine.”

The listeners exchange glances of amazement.

“Okay sugar, see you later.. Yes, love you too,” says the man, ending the call.

Somebody somewhere needed to hear that story today because my mind sometimes does lie to me, tell me untruths
which upset me, when the truth is so much different kinder and the reality so much nicer than I think xxxhug xx Chloe

Hi there, I would like to share something with you that can and will change your life. I like to look at as gift from God. The information and knowledge that is available at www.life-educationcenter.com has change my life. I suffered from depression myself. I would like to share this information with the world as I believe everyone should know and understand this.

It has giving me everything I desire Happiness, Love, Success and Good health! And it is all available free. Life Education Center gives free support. Any question you have will be answered with complete truth.

I know most of us hate reading but If could change your life and give you very thing you ever desired would you?

TheLifeGuy Xx thank you for that xX I shall take a look I have experience from friends who have taken Jesus into their lives and overcome addictions such as alcohol drugs and depression the results are outstanding. I myself am attending an Alpha course at present to enlighten me Xx Chloe

Lifeguy Xx what am I like I thought your website was about religion I misread it. You see I have friends that have turned their lives around with religion and I am so fascinated to read stories and hear about people who have found peace in believing in our lord Xx Your website is wonderful Xx thank you for sharing yours with us Xx very interesting reading and excellent articles Xx Chloe

Tuly Xx and Henbant Xx Hope you are well and happy Xx sending a hug your way Xxx Chloe

May all your troubles be champagne bubbles and we celebrate the return of your love ones Xx