Hello all,
          I have read a few of your accounts and it’s relieving(sadly) how many of them ring true. We are in our second period of depression, unfortunately our doctor had been a bit quick to reduce my partner’s (Lisa) dosage. having been through all depression has to offer once, we are now faced with the same emotions again but, this time i have lost my willingness to be as understanding, for this i hate myself. I don’t know what I aim to achieve with this post but I believe I will feel better just by wrighting it. The worst thing is, there is no spell check and as you may be able to tell i’m no wordsworth.

              X Phil

Oh there is a spell check, i just found it. Now i look even more inept!  X

Hi Phil, I didn’t even realise there was a spell check so thank you for the heads up on that!
I am sorry that you find yourselves in the thick of it again.  I think you are being very hard on yourself Phil.  Why would you not be feeling like you are? You’ve been here before and know how bad it is.  It’s not as if you’re going through it for the first time not knowing what to expect.  You have become your partner’s carer out of necessity and been thrown into a role that you have had no training or preparation for.  You both have.  It sounds like you were just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and you’ve been sent back to the start.  It’s hard to imagine how you would feel anything else.
 
Depression is by its very nature a selfish illness as I am sure you both know.  Your partner will unlikely be able to take your needs and pain into consideration. She will be totally absorbed in her own. You really have to do that yourself and protect yourself.  If you let the illlness drain you beyond what you are capable of, your won’t be able to support your partner.  As hard as it may be and as ill as your partner may be, you have to make sure that you look after yourself so that you can look after your partner.  Many carers end up needing therapy and care themselves.  Please try to make sure this doesn’t happen.

I don’t know the cause of your partner’s depression and please do not feel the need to tell me.  It may be a chemical imbalance in which case the medication will hopefully work again soon.  It may be caused by some event and she may feel better talking about it or coming on the site herself.  Depressed people are often deficient in omegas and vitamins B, magnesium and selenium and zinc.  Try to make sure that she is eating a good diet even if she doesn’t want it.  Depression makes people crave all the foods that are bad for mood swings like sugar and carbs which don’t help depression.
I also don’t know how ill your partner is but try to get her to write down at the end of her day (whatever time that may be for her) 3 good things about her day, even something as simple as she enjoyed a cup of tea or watching a robin in the garden.  It really does help to finish the day on some kind of positive note.

I do hope that your partner’s mood stabilises very soon.  Hang on in there Phil.  We are here for you. Thank you for sharing with us and I hope things look better in the morning.  Helen

Hello Phil Xx I really do feel for you and my heart goes out to you Xxx I have a 6 year old and she trys my patience and I really wanna scream the house down. I find children have irrational behaviour like that of people who are depressed and not able to jolly themselves along. I find myself beating myself up when I have shouted and perhaps not been as patient as I could be. Then I hear a friend do the same oh perhaps I should have said to her son this and that. Then I say well you didn’t put cigarrettes out on him or feed him salt till he died or starve him. Us mums are doing the best we can with what skills we have at the time we are doing are best and whatever why you feel you are I guess doing your best the best you can do now at this moment and that deserves a pat on the back not a beating yourself up pat XXHUGXX I used to be able to run swim cycle now I get out of breath ha ha. People change I have changed I am not so caring as I used to be to my husband because he takes advantage of my good nature and I am his slave. So the firmer I have got the more respect I have for him now. I have a life too. I have needs Xxx HUGXxxx Respecting myself has gained me respect from others Xxx I hope I have helped Xxx I have to go now my daughter is now reached shouting point !!! ha ha XXHUGXX Chloe Xx

I was looking at the tiles in my bathroom at one angle the tiles are straight when I move around the bathroom the tiles are crooked ! I believe in life if I change my perception and the way I look at things they change and become perfect if I start to doubt myself things get destorted. I see you as a perfectly kind loving husband who cares and loves his wife so much he has found time to come on here and find some help for his and her salvation. I think you should come and sit on my side of the bathroom were the tiles are straight strong clean shining and doing a really good job of stopping the water coming through the walls and they stop the ceiling come crashing down Xx your wonderful with every breath you take your wonderful and you are strong and decent and wise and you should give yourself an enormous pat on the back XXHUGXX Chloe xx

Hello Phil, how are you? I can only begin to try to imagine how you must feel now that your partner has slipped back into depression again. I think what Helen said about making sure you take care of yourself is very important, cos if you aren’t well, you have no chance of helping others, so make sure you have your own outlets.

On the positive side, if indeed you can say that there is a positive side, you have done this once, and although nobody wants to have to go through it once, nevermind twice, the fact that you did get through it once suggests that you can do it again. I’m not saying that it’ll be easy or anything, but keeping trying to remind yourself that you did it before and that you can do it again. I sure that it happening again though makes you feel like you can’t go through it again/don’t want to etc.

I’m sorry that I can’t give any fantastic advice that will sort out all your problems, but like I said in the first paragraph, listen to Helen’s advice and make sure you still have some time to keep yourself OK.

Hello carerlad, how are you? Have your problems got any better recently? I think you already know that everything she says is coming from her depression, and that it’s not personal. Just reading some of the things she has said, not only is it obvious that depression is making her say more selfish things, but she clearly lacks confidence too. She says things about you not caring/loving her/being serious about the relationship etc cos she doesn’t have a strong enough self esteem. I know it’s not easy to deal with, but it really is just the depression talking.

Hello Phil Xx My tut from the universe today read this I had to share it with you XxHUG -

One of the greatest paradoxes of your physical senses, is that your eyes actually show you what you believe, not what you see.

Smoke on that,
  The Universe

A bit like I was trying to say about the tiles in my bathroom, I thought Mike Dooley put it in an excellent way Xx

Hope your feeling strong Xxx Chloexx HUGxx

Hello Phil Xx I hope you are feeling better I copied and pasted this quote from my tapping newsletter and I thought of you so I am posting it Xxhug Xx

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is
ASKING OTHERS to live as one wishes to live” (Bob quoting
Oscar Wilde)

I hope you are well happy and all is good good Xx Chloe

May you be blessed and loved and live in happiness and peace Xx

Chole

I have lost all happiness

Hope u have reached a turning point.

I am weak and frail .  Helen and you are really good caring people

take care Paul x