I am not certain if I am doing any good so just asking what do you think?

The History first.
I was in a relationship with a woman 25 years ago and it was always very intense. She had been diagnosed with depression years before we met, but was not always on medication, so I didn’t always know where I stood with her. We were together for two years and parted not on the best of terms. Over the years I did think of her often and how she was doing etc. but never looked for her as I moved away and she moved a year after we broke up.

2009.
A year ago on the internet I found a relative of hers and contacted the relative who told me she had not married, had been in a bad relationship which had now finished, but she did not have internet but would pass over my phone number. Within an hour I had a phone call. I told her every thing that had happened to me - married, kids, job, etc. - and she filled me in as to her life since we parted - bad relationship, no kids, having an affair with a married man (who she does not love) over weight etc. -. At the end of the call we agreed to talk more.

2010.
We talk every day, she has told me her relationship with the married man is almost over they only chat on the phone very late at night but this makes her very tired to the point she is sleeping during the day. She is still in touch with the guy she had the long term relationship via the phone and her verbally beats her up when he calls. She also had a man friend she was helping out who is a bit selfish towards her and calls her to moan about any thing and every thing. So all her contact is on the phone. Her family rarely call her, and recently her Father has passed away, she was not close to him but it still hurts.

The Problem/problems or what ever you want to call it.
I still have not seen her face to face as we are both worried that our past deep feeling for each other might come out and as we live so far apart it would hurt too much, also I am married still and we don’t want to ruin that. She only seems to have relationships on the phone with people who want to keep her a secret and yes I know I am one of them. I never judge her and I seem to be the only one who listens to her, when she is down she does all the talking and we are on the phone for hours, I have heard her cry many time, heard her moan, heard her laugh, heard her tell me the most intimate details about her self etc.. I have tried to get her to go out and either join things or even just go out in the sun but she stays in bed most of the day and rushes about in the evening saying she is too over weight and too old to join things. I have even looked for group in her area for like minded people but there seems to be nothing close.

Do you think I am doing the right thing or doing any good being just a Phone friend?
Can I do more?

Sorry its so long and thanks for letting me write it down too.

I think you should do what ever makes you happy xx I do whatever makes me happy Xxx I follow my heart Xx I follow my nose and attempt to enjoy the moment Xxx My husband gets really cross with me because I think and act differently and I get fed up and frustrated he doesn’t see things like me and used to cry alot Xx yet later down the line he accepts my behaviour, I am too giving !!!. He said I am not a nag and I let him do whatever he likes and a really lovely wife. He just wishes I was less giving and spiritual ha ha. I tell myself my friends are not my problem they are my friends they are the people I have fun with and yes deeply care about xx I listen to them and love them in the best way how and realised very recently I cant fix it I can never fix anothers person problem. The only person who can fix it is my friend. I had a friend once and she had really bad depression she said to me I don’t want to get better I don’t want to be normal again. She enjoyed being depressed. I have had friends with bi polar that love being that way because they love the mania and are happy to endure the depression to have the mania Xxx Whatever you are doing is not a sin XXXhugXxx and your friend is your wonderful friend whatever shes thinking doing or saying Xxx I guess loving what is Xx and unconditional love is my way of coping Xx My husbands tries to change me ha ha and I get so sad, then I am not the woman he married and my sadness brings him down too. Then I am not the wife I should be because I resent his conditioning me, fixing me to suite him, I guess loving what is and having lots of different types of friends is cool. We can’t all fit in the same mould my ultimate challenge is to be myself in a world that is trying to make me the same as everyone else. Just having friends and being a friend is a priceless gift XXxx I am too old and overweight to join things too ha ha, guess what ? last week I joined the gym I feel so conspicuous ...I got there ..I hope your friend does too..and if not hey ...loving what is and having friends is really really nice XxhugXx having soul mates is even better. I hope I have empathised with you XxhugX p.s its just my perpective on life xx we all have different ways of looking at the same issues Xx I hope other people give you theres Xx like forest gumps box of chocolates you can choose what you want to do think and feel, there just other peoples oppinions Xxx Chloe

I have thinking about what you wrote Xxx your lovely friend sounds alot like me Xx I write to men I can’t see and I was worried about having a life because of my weight and my looks Xxx I have hid away because I feel fat and ugly Xx then one of my male friends alot like you was really kind to my low self esteem, really kind and loving and understanding not sexual just kind and that made me feel different about myself, it brought me back from the dead Xxx They would think me mad if I told them how much it meant to have a friend like them like you Xxx it was a life changing experience for me ...I now go to the gym girls nights out and feel sooooooooooooo happy Xxx I guess I had a mind pamper and my self esteem grew Xx I felt loved Xx very much loved Xxx I just wanted to tell you XXX people like you are special and perhaps its your souls calling out for a little help Xx HUG Xx I hope I have helped Xxx I now live in a happier bubble Xx I hope your friend feels better soon Xxx Being kind to somebody is not a crime XxChloe Xx

Chloe, thank you for both your replies. I hope I am that good a friend, I am trying to be. I will be there if I am needed but at the end of the phone for now as she too is worried about weight and looks etc. I think it will be a while till the sun is shining on her but I will keep on (gently) to her. Then perhaps we can meet up and laugh - we used to do hat all the time in the past - so keep your fingers crossed .....

Many Thanks

Mike X

This song reminds me of you Xx and why your very special Xxx

I’ll Put You Together Again lyrics
Hot Chocolate

When you can’t take any more
when you feel your life is over
put down your tablets and
pick up your pen and
I’ll put you together again.

Of your faith withers away
if God can’t bring you your answer
write me a letter I’ll read it and then
I’ll put you together again.

Put us together
together again

put us together again
when things look hopeless
just write me and then
I’ll put you together again.

If there’s no light anywhwew
and you’ve got no one to turn to
I’ll lead you out of the darkness and then
I’ll put you together again.

Put us together
together again

put us together again
drop me a few lines
telling me when and I’ll
put you together again.

When things look hopeless
just write me my friend and
I’ll put you together again.
do some tastin’.

Hooray
hooray
it’s a holi-holiday
...

oh you made me cry Xxx your so lovely Xxxx sooooooo kind Xxx she’s a lucky lady Xxxx Chloe

Chloe, I am really the lucky one. And if you think I am doing OK then I will continue being there for her.

Thanks

Mike .....X

Your one in a million XXxx Chloe

Chloe, I saw a sign the other day that said:-

No one is worth your tears,

And if they are

they wouldn’t make you cry anyway

Think I might send her that one.

Mike ....

Oh yes Xxx I see quotes and songs and send them to my friends its as if they are there to be sent ..if you see what I mean serendipity Xx I always think about the people that have helped me if it wasn’t for their kindness I would not be where I am now xxx being kind is about being strong and your certainly that Xxx and a friend in need is a friend in need Xxxx I just have to remember with my friends no fix its Xx once I start trying to fix it I upset people XxhugXx one of my golden rules Xxx Byron Katie says love what is Xxx loving my friends when they are not so attractive XxhugXx thats when they need me the most Xxx follow your heart Xxx because we don’t fully understand whats out there steven hawkins reckons aliens !!!, we are living on a ball in the middle of nothingness suspended and held by a force xxx and we all have souls Xxxx I love your quote I shall save that one for somebody later XXHUG you XX Chloe

a Friend will stand by you even when you are wrong.
A real friend doesn’t have to.A real friend says, “What’s new with you?“A real friend says,
“You’ve been whining about the same thing for 14 years.
Get off your duff and do something about it.“A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.A real friend comes early to help you cook
And stays late to help you clean.A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.real friend could blackmail you with it.A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.When you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it’s not a friendship until after
You’ve had a fight.A real friend expects to always be there for you!

Regards,

oh wow thats so gorgeous xxxxxxxx

Declan galbraith - An angel

I wish I had your pair of wings
Had them last night in my dreams
I was chaising buterflies
Till the sunrise broke my eyes

Tonight the sky has glued my eyes
Cause what they see’s an angel hive
I’ve got to touch that magic star
And greet the angels in their hive

Sometimes I wish I were an angel
Sometimes I wish I were you
Sometimes I wish I were an angel
Sometimes I wish I were you

All the sweet honey from above
Pour it all over me sweet love
While you’re flying around my head
Your honey kisses keep me fed

I wish I had your pair of wings
Just like last night in my dreams
I was lost in paradise
Wish I’d never opened my eyes

Sometimes I wish I were an angel
Sometimes I wish I were you
Sometimes I wish I were an angel
Sometimes I wish I were you

But there’s danger in the air
Tryin’ so hard to be unfair
Danger’s in the air
Tryin’ so hard to give us a scare
But were not afraid

Sometimes I wish I were an angel
Sometimes I wish I were you
Sometimes I wish I were an angel
Sometimes I wish I were you

Wish I were you
Oh I wish I were you

A friend asked me to listen to this isn’t it beautiful Xx

My friend sent me this she accidently ran her husband over and killed him while he was high on cocaine and she had been drinking. This happened before I knew her, she reached out and I found her. Such a strong beautiful inspiration. Sadly she lives with the memory of her accident because it was an accident and she fights her depression every day. I believe she is wonderful truly spiritual woman and one of the strongest women I know Xxx
She sent me this forward and I wanted to share it with you Xxx

John is the kind of guy you love to hate.  He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.  When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, ‘If I were any better, I would be twins!’

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, ‘I don’t get it!’

‘You can’t be a positive person all of the time.  How do you do i t?’

He replied, ‘Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today.  You can choose to be in a good mood or…you can choose to be in a bad mood

I choose to be in a good mood.’

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or…I can choose to learn from it.  I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me compla ining, I can choose to accept their complaining or…I can point out the positive side of life.  I choose the positive side of life.

‘Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,’ I protested.

‘Yes, it is,’ he said.  ‘Life is all about choices.  When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.  You choose how you react to situations.  You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.  The bottom line:  It’s your choice how you live your life’

I reflected on what he said.  Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business.  We lost touch, but I often thought about h im when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, ‘If I were any better, I’d be twins…Wanna see my scars?’

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

‘The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,’ he replied.  ‘Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices:  I could choose to live or…I could choose to die.  I chose to live.’

‘Weren’t you scared?  Did you lose consciousness?’  I asked.

He continued, ‘...the paramedics were great.

They kept telling me I was going to be fine.  But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.  In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man’  I knew I needed to take action.’

‘What did you do?’ I asked.

‘Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,’ said John.  ‘She asked if I was allergic to anything ‘Yes, I replied.’  The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.  I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Gravity’’

Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live.  Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.’

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude…I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.’

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

Paul showed these lyrics by the kelly family I’ll be there, such a lovely song Xxx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rrA3-9yp0Q&feature=related

Should the sky just turn to black
And all birds die and fall
When the ghosts go marching down the street
Marching through you walls

CHORUS:
I’ll be there for you
With you, my friend
I’ll be there for you
With you, my friend

Hear my cry, hear my cry

Should a flower be stoned to death
And love is not around
When you’re hungered and you tongue is dry
But your bread is filled with worms

CHORUS

Hear my cry, hear my cry
Hear my cry, hear my cry

Should the stars decide not to shine
And the world is cold as ice
Whe babies only crie

CHORUS

Here my cry, here my cry

See I think you have 2 choices to be a friend or not be a friend XxhugXx