Hello Mike, my goodness it sounds like your friend has suffered from depression for a long time.  Does she receive treatment for her depression? 
The intensity of your relationship shows in the fact that you’re still thinking about each other so much after 25 years on that you found her relative and that she contacted you within an hour of receiving your phone number.  That sounds amazing yet painful to feel that way about someone for so long without any contact.  The end of the relationship sounded painful and maybe getting back in touch was necessary to give your relationship the closure that the intensity of the relationship deserved.
You’ve been talking for a year now which suggests you are both getting something out of the contact and a platonic relationship.
Although you titled your post ‘Helping a Friend’, you refer to yourself as a ‘relationship’ and as ‘one of her relationships’ and you say that you are ‘still’ married, which makes me wonder if you are both thinking of more.
I am sure that your friend looks forward to your calls and your support.  You sound like a wonderful person Mike and because of that I would hate your life to fall apart if your wife were to find out and misinterpret a daily call to another woman, particulary an ex.
Your wife may understand your good intentions of helping a friend as just that.  Only you can know that.  While helping others makes us feel good, I do hope that you have in your mind how far you would extend that support for all your sakes.
Talking from personal experience, as a depressed person, I would have sucked all the support out of my husband if we hadn’t separated and it would never have been enough.  If his world and his business had fallen apart because of his time and support for me I would not have been in any state to support him emotionally and he could too then have very likely ended up depressed and needing help.  He cut the ties at the right time and I respect him for that.  It was very hard for him and he offered to support me through the separation.  It hurt so much at the time but I know that I would have dragged him all the way down.  I now believe that cutting him free was the best thing for both of us as I had to get stronger and better as I was now on my own.  I don’t think I would ever have got better if we’d stayed together as I was totally dependent on him.
I know that yours is a different situation right now Mike and I think you are so amazing for supporting your friend like this.  I am just projecting what could be if you are not aware before meeting.  I just don’t want you to get hurt as I don’t think that your friend will be strong enough for both of you right now.
Please don’t let me put you off what you are doing.  People seem to drift in and out of our lives for different reasons.  You are helping your friend and you may feel good to be back in contact and helping her which may be helping you feel happier and benefitting your wife and your children as they share it.  I am certainly not judging either.  I think your friend is very lucky to have a friend like you.  I just wanted to give you my perspective as someone who has been on the same side as your friend.
Thinking of you,
Helen

Hello Mike Xxx Does your wife know about your friend ? My husband knows I have male friends, he knows how much I love and respect my male friends and he is cool about it. I don’t know how your wife would react .....if a girl friend has been bitchie about another girl friend I wouldn’t go up to the other and tell her because I own that responsibility not to hurt my friends. Plus I own the responsibility not to hurt my husband. .... I think infidelity is a worry when mixing friendships with the different sexes yet I do believe people arrive in my life for different reasons to help me find love and laughter and make life a little bit easier with messages of kindness. I also feel when I help somebody I feel good inside my soul sings Xxx I find worrying about what might happen or what people might think makes me look guilty for something that I haven’t done wrong. I feel if love is pure and my soul sings it has to be right xxx I hope in my heart I have not encouraged infedelity, yet I can not judge another when I have a soul driven purpose on this earth and my judgements of you and others would be wrong. I was unfaithful when I was 16 Xxx my first boyfriend was a bass guitarist in a punk band and my mother hated him so I saw him in secret and said I was at a friends house. Months before I had stayed at another friends for a birthday party in another town and unbeknown to me had received an admirer, a tall dark handsome soldier in the parachute regiment. I worked in a fish and chip shop on a saturaday and outside the window this lad appears on an enormous unijack motorbike and started waving at us girls in his leathers. The other girls in the shop said he is smiling at you. He had been to my house and asked my fathers permission to take me out. My parents thought he was wonderful. I could bearly remember him from my holiday, I just spoke to him a couple of times and he asked a friend for my address. What could I say my parents adored him and I could not tell them about my punk rocker boyfriend. That evening the soldier took me to the pictures and I was sat in the dark and I heard my punk boyfriend say who the hell is that ? After the film I very redded face came out of the cinema with this really tall soldier and a very tall punk rocker with spikie hair talked. The lads talked among themselves and started to laugh, thats alright mate no worries ??? My punk boyfriend had explained it all to him. I was so anxious at the time I thought I would faint !!! I promised I would never two time again. The message was ‘you get found out !!‘The soldier never said anything to my parents and he left the following day with a warm smile and a wave. Whatever I have done Xx I couldn’t be judged ... I have a responsibilty to you not to advise you to cause harm and suffering to others. Yet I often feel life has a way of sending messages through our hearts and the fear of it all is the worry which is so unnessecary. I can not advise you to tell you wife because that would be wrong, and I could not advise you to stop talking because I need you to trust me and I can not judge another because I am judging myself, who am I to judge. Its just my perception, my oppinions, my experiences which have shaped me Xx so that I can listen to you Xx I mean not to advocate infedility Xxx yet I am not in a position to judge you Xxx Helens advice is professional and true and if I have caused anything that might infringe your marriage FORGIVE ME Xxx HUG Xx HUG Xxx

Just wanted to add Xxx I love the way Helen is looking out for you Xxx I am a bit of a fluffy bunny deep thinker Xx my tutor at uni said your a fluffy bunny thinker, the worlds a cruel place, get real. I think now yes thats why its cooler on my planet however on this real planet perhaps I need to come down to earth Xxx Helen is caring for you in another way Xxx plus I have been hanging out with christians lately and they say he without sin cast the first stone Xxx stone me xxXXx love and hugs Xx Chloe

Thank you both Helen and Chloe, I have not told my wife as we are already having problems that have nothing to do with this relationship and I do say relationship as it is more than friendship, it is the best you can get with some one of the opposite sex. I also realise that although I would like to meet but it is all down to her, if she wants me to be on the end of the phone then so be it. I will tell you more about my home life later.

I have taken on what you have both said and will be very carefull so please remain supportive, at least for now.

Thanks a million for letting me sound off ...

Mike.

Mike Xxx thank you for sharing your intimacies with me xxx I hope with all my heart you find happiness xxx I guess things evolve and shouldn’t be rushed Xxx hug Xx Chloe

Mike this is my favourite story I had to share it with you Xxx

The Cookie Thief - by Valerie Cox
Read by Wayne Dyer

————————————————————————————————————————

A woman was waiting at an airport one night
With several long hours before her flight
She hunted for a book in the airport shop
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see
That the man beside her as bold as could be
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene
She munched cookies and watched the clock
As this gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by
Thinking “If I wasn’t so nice I’d blacken his eye”
With each cookie she took he took one too
And when only one was left she wondered what he’d do
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh
He took the last cookie and broke it in half
He offered her half as he ate the other
She snatched it from him and thought “Oh brother
This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude
Why he didn’t even show any gratitude”
She had never known when she had been so galled
And sighed with relief when her flight was called
She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate
She boarded the plane and sank in her seat
Then sought her book which was almost complete
As she reached in her baggage she gasped with surprise
There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes
“If mine are here” she moaned with despair
“Then the others were his and he tried to share”
“Too late to apologize she realized with grief”
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief

Mike this is one of my favourite songs Etta James I would rather go blind Xxx

I thought I would play it for you today Xxx Chloe

Something told me it was over
When I saw you and her talkin’
Something deep down in my soul said, ‘Cry, girl’
When I saw you and that girl walkin’ around

Whoo, I would rather, I would rather go blind, boy
Then to see you walk away from me, child, no

Whoo, so you see, I love you so much
That I don’t wanna watch you leave me, baby
Most of all, I just don’t, I just don’t wanna be free, no

Whoo, whoo, I was just, I was just, I was just
Sittin here thinkin’, of your kiss and your warm embrace, yeah
When the reflection in the glass that I held to my lips now, baby
Revealed the tears that was on my face, yeah

Whoo and baby, baby, I’d rather, I’d rather be blind, boy
Then to see you walk away, see you walk away from me, yeah
Whoo, baby, baby, baby, I’d rather be blind…

The cookie thief story is not about you xx hug Xx I just love the way it stops me thinking badly of people Xxx

The song reminds me of how much you hold dear with your friend XxhugXxx

“Break Every Rule”- Tina Turner Xxx
Hope your good Mike Xxx Chloe

EVERY ROAD THAT I WALK
EVERY SINGLE FLIGHT I EVER TAKE
THOUGH I`M THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY
IN MY MIND EVERY JOURNEY LEADS ME CLOSER TO YOU
I`VE BEEN ALL AROUND THIS WORLD
I`VE BEEN IN FAR TOO MANY STATES
BUT I`M UNDER YOUR SPELL
I`VE MADE MY MISTAKES OH YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL

YOU`RE EVERY DREAM THAT I DREAM
YOU`RE EVERY BEAUTIFUL THING I`VE EVER SEEN
I`M ALWAYS SINGING YOUR PRAISES
COUNTING THE DAYS AWAY

I WOULD BE YOUR SLAVE
I`D EVEN BE YOUR FOOL
I`M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU I`M IN LOVE WITH YOU
I`M GONNA BREAK EVERY RULE

I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE
EVERY WHITE LIE I`M FORCED TO TELL
THEY SAY THAT EVERYTHING`S FAIR IN LOVE AND IN WAR
AND I`M NOT ABOVE CHEATING FOR YOU
ONE NIGHT I`LL CATCH YOU OFF YOUR GUARD
AND YOU WILL FINALLY FALL SO HARD
STRATEGICALLY SPEAKING I`M ALREADY BEATEN
I`LL SURRENDER TO YOU

YOU`RE EVERY DREAM THAT I DREAM
YOU`RE EVERY BEAUTIFUL THING I`VE EVER SEEN
I`M ALWAYS SINGING YOUR PRAISES
COUNTING THE DAYS AWAY

I WOULD BE YOUR SLAVE
I`D EVEN BE YOUR FOOL
I`M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU I`M IN LOVE WITH YOU
I`M GONNA BREAK EVERY RULE

AND EVERY ROAD THAT I WALK
AND EVERY FLIGHT THAT I EVER TAKE
AND EVERY DREAM THAT I DREAM
EVERY JOURNEY BRINGS ME CLOSER

I am left confused and hurt x at a total point of the bottom line

Chole has stopped been friends , I must be a horrible man and selfish

paul

Dear Paul,
It’s Helen here.  Chloe must be busy.  She certainly hasn’t fallen out with you.  She sent me an email recently saying that the site hadn’t heard from you lately.  We were hoping that no news was good news Paul.  Have you been ok for a while and this has just happened?  There are sure to be blips along the way Paul.  Could this be a blip?  Could things seem better in a while?  I’m sure you’re not bad and selfish.  The fact you are feeling like that probably means you are very down and we often act out of character when we are unwell.  So you are not a bad, selfish person.  You may have acted in a selfish way but then unfortunately depression can be a selfish illness.  Try slowing down Paul and explaining if you want to why your friend has turned on you if you can and feel you want to. Your friend may not feel able to cope with your outburst but she may very well be back or waiting for you to contact her.  I am here.  I feel sure that Chloe will respond when she can.  If you are feeling really down Paul, please call The Samaritans immediately on 08457 90 90 90. Helen