Is loneliness a personal choice ? Do people choose to interact or not interact with other people ? Is loneliness through our own choice, is it choosing to be lonely that makes a person lonely ? Do we choose to isolate ourselves ? People that live alone have one of two choices to interact or not interact with other people. There are 100’s of people out there actually millions of people, a person could interact with is it a choice or their virtue ? Interacting with people at the shops, public transport is a social interaction. Is loneliness a choice ? These questions were raised by my friend who lives alone and I would like to create a debate ......and I felt I needed the oppinions off the forum to challenge a debate ...hugs Xxx Chloe

After chatting to a friend the conclusion made was ‘Nobody puts a person in a room and tells them to stay there, it is a persons choice to be lonely….I feel if we are to talk about loneliness we need to tackle the issues which prevent people socially interacting. My ex husband said he has learnt alot from me and said he made that call, he has called friends and invited them down the pub. He has asked people out because he pushed himself. He said he watches me throw myself out there like a startle rabbit in the headlights and say this is ME shoot me and most of the time he saw a cute little bunny he couldn’t aim his shot gun at. It would be encouraging the depressed person to make the move and socially interact and choose to be strong. I am taking my ideas from friends at home and feel they are inspiring. I remember once I told Kayfer to go on line shopping and Brencoot said no you must get out. After that point Brencoot and Kayfer inspired me out of the house. I use to get a panic on when I walked around the town all gone now…life is a breeze and it was my friends on here that got me there THANK YOU Xxx Chloe

dear chloe i hope your well you say such wonderful things your so uplifting and your so right in what you say i’ve been staying in for the past few weeks because i just could’nt face anyone or anythink,this week i made a pact with myself to do a little somethink every day and you know what i’ve really surprised myself and i really am starting to belive in me again thanks for all the lovely post you put on here they help so much take care xxxxxxxxx

Thank you Xxx Thank you so much Xxx hugXxx you too thank you for the lovely compliments they help me so much Xxx

I remember Brencoot inspired me Xxx G O O D Go out often Daily Xx I now have a mad dog he is gorgeous also suggested by Brencoot. My boyfriend encouraged me to join the gym meet people interact get a life. He said I have one of two choices stay in or go out…self pity or courage…strong or weak…flip the coin ...head to the shops the beach the pub the cinema the hairdressers or tails chase your tail indoors ...so Feel Good - Head outside Xx hug Xx

F - free yourself
E - exit your house
E- exchange conversation with somebody
L- Liberate loneliness

G- go
O- out
O- often
D- daily

sarah Jane p.s your wonderful XXHUGXx

Chloe posted a new thread about loneliness. Nobody ever sets out to make themselves intentionaly lonely ( that is just the most ridiculous thing I have heard)- we are as humans a gregarious species but some of us who get hurt and broken hearted never ever get over it. We do cut ourselves off and just hide. I know I have because the alternative is to lay myself open to being torn apart again. That’s why what as happened has totally floored me because I thought ” no it really can’t happen again”. But it did and it killed me.

Loneliness = regret
Loneliness = sadness
Loneliness = low self esteem
Loneliness = depression
Loneliness = why get up
Loneliness = why eat
Loneliness = Christmas alone
Loneliness = Birthdays alone
Loneliness = Holidays alone
Loneliness = Weekends alone
Loneliness = Longing
Loneliness = why not enjoy my friend the bottle
Loneliness = suicide
Loneliness = old people giving up
Loneliness = illness
Loneliness = debt
Loneliness = unfulfilled lives
Loneliness = feeling you don’t exist
Loneliness = no point
Loneliness = love that never was

Chloe I hope that gives you a few ideas for you debate. There is absolutely nothing positive about loneliness.

Thanks for that Jamie XxhugXx

I found my loneliness was the atrocious neglect of my own self interests. I was married with a child and felt everso lonely because I never pampered myself. My boyfriend said I should pamper myself yet I found it all too self indulgent. Yet it works, my loneliness was self neglect, it wasn’t about being on my own. I could be on my own in a room full of people and not be happy because I haven’t made that connection because nobody has anything in common with me. My loneliness was not having a soul mate. I have a soul mate now and I love him very very much Xxx he is my Man na Xx Certain chemicals when mixed together can heal, others are toxic acidic and explosive. TCP has some of the same chemicals found in explosives ha ha Xxx I guess I need to get the right chemistry ha ha Xxx I am very very happy at the moment, and so if I am annoyingly happy forgive me XxhugXx Helen talks about being pampered do you know I listened and never got it till I tried it ...she has a point Xx thank you Xx love love Xx Chloe Xx

I believe Loneliness is a lesson so that something good comes along I can recognise it Xx I need to see the black to recognise the white Xxx light at the end of the tunnel Xx my friend just posted me this I would like to share it with you XxhugXx Hey I love No 7 ....so true so true Xxx

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.

Living Alone LYRICS
source:Loudon Wainwright   Time:2005-08-10
 

You sit at a desk and you squirm in a chair
You stretch out on a couch, you could fall asleep there
But you lie in your bed and you try not to think
You put on your bathrobe and you stand at the sink
And then you look into the mirror and you unplug the phone
You re-read the letter, you’re living alone.

You clear out a closet and you listen to a clock
You wipe off a table and you pick up a sock
And then you put up your feet and you stand on your head
You hate what you did and you regret what you said
And then you gaze at a spapshot and wait for the tone
You talk to yourself, yeah, you’re living alone.

You were always alone, but you just didn’t know it
You tried living with someone but then you had to blow it
And if there’s one thing you learned after living with her
Is that you’re not the man now that you never were.

So you turn up the heat and you fight off a cold
You thumb through the Bible as you sit there on hold
But you’re your own boss you can do as you please
Open a window and let in a breeze
You sit down to dinner, yeah, you cooked your own
You light a candle, you’re living alone.

You think about her and how did it end
Your cleaning lady has become your very best friend
You’re back in your hometown, you’re living in fear
They wonder where has he been and why is he here
You’re watching the reruns of the Twilight Zone
Your life in a nutshell, you’re living alone.

You were always alone, but you just didn’t see it
You tried to be someone different but you just couldn’t be it
And if there’s one thing you learned after all of it
Is that you’re usually fired before you can quit.

What you need is a dog, some goldfish or a cat A Bo

Goldie Hill - Living Alone Lyrics

You may be wealthy with more than your share
You may be able to go anywhere
You may have a kingdom and sit on a throne
But you’ll still be lonely if you live alone
You may follow the bright lights with a smile on your face
You may travel this whole world and not get any place
A man needs a woman to stick by his side
One who who’ll be faithful and much out of his pride
Until you’ll find her all the dreams you have known
Will never come true while you live alone
[ steel ]
Until you’ll find her…

Ah this one is sad and sweet XXhope you find her/him Xxx Chloe

Distractions Of Living Alone Lyrics
Artist(Band):Woods Of Ypres

When I come home at the end of the day, everything is just where I left it…
No one has called, nothing has changed, everything is just how I left it…

I haven’t spoken a word in days, except for cursing the noise in the hall…
I haven’t spoken a word in days, to anyone else at all…

And so, as I go, I’ll leave my body for you…
And so, as I go, don’t feel sorry for me
For life is the sacrifice, before you die
And so as I go, I’ll leave my body for you…to…see…

A bed all alone in the bedroom
A vacant space where a table should be
Some posters on the walls
The bathroom mirror covered in spit

I have made such desperate attempts to make this a nice place to live…
And I have failed, for I have tried to fill this dead empty space with a life!

All this time on my hands,
And I have no where to go,
Haunted by the distractions of living alone

I hope you’d be the first one to find me
After I’d concluded the past behind me
So hold your hands, over your mouth
And run to tell the others…

Every good reason to Go Out Often Daily Xxx HugXxx

LIFE IS OUT THERE - GET OUT !!!! Often Daily XxhugXx

Is loneliness about not having a partner ? Is it about living alone ? Is loneliness about being around people who I can not connect with or not having anything in common with ? Is it not having soul mates ?

Fifi and the flower tots said today on childrens television ‘Your never lonely if you have friends’  Xxx

Do children get lonely if they have nobody to play with ?

How could we conquer loneliness ? is social interaction the remedy Xxx Chloe

chole xx

Are people been lonely, ask me chole??

I am trying to understand friends and the meaning of it .

I care about you loads and what in return nothing . If I have got this all wrong shout at me xx

Chole I need you 07578814160 three network x

paul xx

Dear Paul,  it sounds like you’re feeling pretty lonely right now.  Chloe must be busy.  I am here if you want to talk.  If you’re feeling really down Paul please call The Samaritans immediately on 08457 909090.  We all feel lonely at some time Paul and it’s tyical that it’s often when we feel so down that we can’t cope with it.  Paul this will pass.  Please stop, take a deep breath, count to 10, put the kettle on, talk to me.  Do something to distract your mind from the way you are feeling.  Thinking about you.  Helen

Helen

U are so sweet and caring , I thank u loads x

Just hope Chole is going to be ok. I am feeling really lonely in my flat.

not phoning anyone up, can’t see it will help. i blame myself and the way I have been to people for my situation.

People like you Helen are mentally strong and have a good base of friends.  I don’t have any face to face friends in this town.

Bottom line it is for me, where to turn is a mess in my head

take lots of care Helen

Paul

Dear Paul, can you turn to us instead of the ‘mess’ in your head until you feel the mess is more ordered?  Turning inward can be a slippery slope when you don’t feel able to offer yourself anything other than criticism.  Marisa Peer writes in her book, Ultimate Confidence’ about the inner critic.  She says that ‘the most destructive critic in your life today is you.  The most important words you will ever hear are the words you say to yourself and believe, so stop putting yourself down, becasue you are human and make mistakes.  Instead, realise that the only way we advance and improve in life is by making mistakes and learning from them.  Napoleon said, ‘A man who never made a mistake never made anything.’ 
Please don’t be so hard on yourself Paul.  I bought a card recently that made me smile that had a badge on it saying ‘I’ve learned so much from my mistakes I think I’ll make a few more!’  That’s a far better attitude I think.  I’m trying to live by that motto and not beating myself up so often.  I’m not trivialising how you feel Paul.  I’ve been in a similar place.  I thought I’d lost all my friends and I wouldn’t have blamed them if I had because I wasn’t a very nice person a lot of the time when I was ill or didn’t contact friends for months on end.  I’m learning to take myself less seriously and trying to be nicer to myself too and it’s helpiing me.  It might help you too.  That doesn’t mean we can stop trying to put right our mistakes or not apologise for them, it just means that mistakes happen because we’re human.  You can listen to Marisa’s chapter on depression on the podcasts on the home page.
I’m worried for Chloe too.  She does have a lot on her plate and seems to help others rather than herself.  I think that she is being forced to look after herself more now due to her circumstances and I’m pleased about that as she deserves some of her own amazing medicine I’m sure you’ll agree.
I do hope that you feel somewhat better very soon Paul.  Do let us know how you are when you feel like it.  Are you seeing your son at all this weekend?
Best wishes, Helen