Hello Paul Xxx my computer jammed and I have been having AOL plus I have been out all day with friends Xxx Helen is so true in saying my life has been turned upside down and I am getting very anxious and nervous of late and my inner critic has been having a field day Xx I text a friend last night ‘shit’ helps me grow hey they put it on roses sorry to swear I made a joke of my situation. Paul I hope your feeling better Xx Helen is soooooooooooo true sooooooooo correct Xx We me you can be cruel to ourselves and the inner soul cries from false experiences acting reality FEARXx Please give the inner Paul a great big hug from me Xxx Have you been out with your little man to the ducks lately ? Paul you’ve not been lonely in the past so why are you going to be lonely now Xxx You only seem to be lonely for short spells until you find somebody Xxx What are you up to today ? I bought the faithless CD the other day I loved it ....so jolly my daughter and I dance away to the sounds ...The pain doesn’t last its like an oscillation, when I reach rock bottom the only way is up ....up up and away into happier times XxhugXx Have you got a routine a routine helped me.. like go for a walk.. then lunch with a friend then home for a sleep then phoned a friend for supper then I spent the nights watching telly with the security guards at work. I socially interacted as much as I could to get better. I made myself interact. Oh it was paiful tense and wierd at the time. There were people out there I couldn’t see them at the time then I thought to myself when I couldn’t sleep get dressed and go to work, they knew I was off sick and I sat and watched telly with the security guards shared the sandwiches and food their wives had cooked them and watched videos. I did worry what they might think of me yet they all pulled together to get me better and better and better..so kind so genuine ..they kept me sane. Another friend calls Samaritans what a job Xx aren’t those people sooooooooo special, so so special Xxx be kind to paul XxhugXx what music have you been listening to ? What are you up to mate ? Xx Chloe

just listening to Shinedown

I have got faithless album, just makes me realise they have gone right back to the core and better.

Just liked them so much , with Rollo and sister bliss, and yes sister Dido to Rollo.

Felix dont you want me was rollo . Then just went from strengh .

Love the shinedown song Second chance.

I so care about you

Paul x

I bought the album because I liked the sun to me lyrics Xx I played it to my boyfriend Xx have you got a girlfriend ? you mentioned you had a friend Xxx I am going to look up the lyrics shinedown song XxhugXx thank you Paul thank you Xxx after upsetting Jamie I am scared about recipricating your words of kindness xxx forgive me Xxx Its not Jamies fault it just made me aware I can give a false inpression and I am very much in love with my boyfriend since we last spoke Xx I have known him 4 years yet I have grown to know him more in the weeks that have pasted and I have never been treated so kindly so well so generous with his time patience money and love Xx I sometimes am besides myself with joy and have a great sense of relief and am so happy to have found him because he makes me so happy Xx My husband understands and he too has a great sense of relief because for the past 2 years I have not been a happy person when I asked him for a divorce 2 years ago and he realises I had a very black cloud with a painted smile. We took our time and now realise it is probably the stronger sensible move we have both made. My divorce came as no surprise to my husband because I began to talk about it 5 years ago and hope he would be stronger enough to realise our relationship wasn’t worth holding onto to Xx This house has become very busy full of children lost chickens and dogs crying to go out for a walk so I must go now Xxx hugXx hugXx hugXxx your best friend Xx Chloe

lost for words

at my low point in my life