Accepting I am depressed has been hard enough but now I am faced every morning with the virtually impossible task of getting up. I have always got up about 6 in the morning full of beans and enthusiasm. Now i’m a dormant slug, tired and fidgety, and adamant that I’m not getting up.

It took me until 10.15 this morning and even now I feel I want to go back - I know this is definitely the wrong thing to do but the pull is so strong. I guess it’s my safety blanket where no one can get to me.

I’m not sure if it’s life i’m trying to hide from or my business or even myself.

This is so hard to deal with, i’m not suicidal but I can see how this is spiraling out of control. I’m not convinced the tablets work although I am sleeping better.

Someone send me some hope please.

Steve, I don’t know I am giving you hope by telling you this but I can tell you that that is exactly how I used to feel.  All I used to look forward to was going to bed.  At least if I was asleep the pain would go for a while.  It didn’t matter how long I slept though, I always woke up just as exhausted and terrible.  I tried so hard to stay up until a respectable time so as not to leave my husband on his own downstairs once again for an evening on his own.
 
I used to set myself targets. I never watched soaps before I got ill (goodness knows they are depressing enough without being depressed before they start) but if I managed to watch the soaps that would take me to 8pm (almost respectable)which was better than the 5pms I’d struggled with for a long time or much like yourself going back to bed after only an hour or so of being up.  I also used to set myself a target in the morning for getting up (also TV I’m afraid but at least it was mindless and distracting and comforting and easy) which was ITV This Morning.  Who could fail to be comforted by the mum and dad banter of morning TV Philip and Fern or Eamon and Ruth.  The world seemed ok for a few hours. I managed to get it down to 10.28 before I would roll out of bed and downstairs on to the sofa to catch the start. 

I have set up a suggestions page on the site for people to send in what they have found works for them to lift their mood.  After all, they will be tried and tested by the experts (the sufferers).  The targets have to be something incongruent with Depression.  If you act or do something your mind is tricked in to catching up.  It really works.  Getting started is not easy sometimes but it really does work.  I used another target of going out to my favourite coffee shop for a coffee (it used to give me a energy kick that I was seriously lacking.  Didn’t last very long before I needed another but it got me out of the house, in the fresh air and walking).  I put on 3 stones in weight as I just ate all the time and did nothing.  Like you I used to be up early, exercise and care about myself.  When I was depressed I didn’t care about myself and ate junk food and didn’t feel up to exercising.  I certainly couldn’t bear the thought of going to a gym and feeling intimidated by healthy happy gorgeous people so I used to go walking with another friend (quickly).  She was also suffering with depression but luckily we were never at our worst at the same time (which helped).  I got myself a dog (which my husband wasn’t too pleased about as I could have borrowed someone’s dog rather than getting one) but I think that walking and stroking her helped me a lot.  At least if you set yourself a target (an achievable one) and you do it you get a sense of accomplishment. For a long time I felt that I felt nothing, did nothing and achieved nothing.  Try writing down a list of activities that used to give you pleasure and see if you feel you could do one a week or even one a month.  That worked for me too.  Also, the power of laughter should never be underestimated.  Watching a funny film, program or comedian even when you don’t feel like it will make you laugh which makes happy hormones.  A friend of mine came to stay with me when she was very depressed.  I took her out to see a comedian.  She didn’t want to go but I dragged her along because I knew from experience that it would help.  She couldn’t help but laugh and felt much better for days.  Force your body to do good things and your mind will follow.  I often used to think that I would wait until I felt better to do things but that never happens.  I read once that you should immediately start running on the spot when you feel down!  Can you imagine doing that?  We’d all be locked up.  If you can distract your mind by doing something I promise you it helps.  Thinking of you Steve. Helen

Hi, Im new here so ill say sorry now if im posting in the wrong place or if im totally off topi but reading thismade me wonder if any of you’s find it hard to move from your sofa?  I know helen has brought up the issuse of mornings and the difficulty of waking up, But what i mean is…youve got up, youve finally got down-stairs and you know youve got a full day ahead of you, and when i say full day i just mean the normal house work to be done. And your sitting there thinking to your self, after this cup of tea, or fag or whater it may be that you will stand up and get stuck in, but for some reason you cant fisaclly motovate your self to move. I only ask this as ive have been sitting here sence this morning trying to do my house work that i know needs doing but just the thought of it is hard/tireing.
Is it just me?

Also can i just quickly say sorry for my horried spelling.

Weez,

That’s a very common problem with depression,  but the fact that you are out of bed is a good thing. I always think that if people say “I’ll do ‘X’ after ‘Y’” or “I’ll do ‘X’ in ‘Y’mins/days/years” then they are far less likely to do it. Maybe you don’t want to put any massive pressures on yourself because that could lead to disappointment and feeling worse, but try to get on with achieving reasonable goals (like house cleaning) without using delaying tactics, and then reward yourself with that cup of tea or whatever after you have achieved your goal. Of course this is much easier said than done. Hope you aren’t on that sofa when you read this!!!!

I hate to admit it but I’m the same. I’ll just do that filing tomorrow….. tomorrow never comes for the filing I can tell you!
I’ve put it on my list of goals and it will happen and I know how good I’ll feel when I do it.
So today I’m going to hoover my flat and clean my kitchen.  Tomorrow I’m going to my karate class and Sunday I’m going to my friend’s baby shower. I’m not going to sit here doing nothing and making excuses to miss things anymore.
I went out yesterday even though I cried all morning and felt awful.  I still feel teary today but nowhere near as bad and the hope has come back.
Take little steps and achieve big things.  Because doing the filing to me is a BIG thing!!!
Good luck
Snoopy xxx

Snoopy,

I’m glad to hear that intend to stick to your plans for the weekend. Like you said, small steps can lead to big achievements. I’m also pleased to hear that you are feeling a bit better and I hope you enjoy your weekend.

Hi Steve
I’m a fellow sufferer/battler/survivor of depression for the past 11 years.  I am 44 years of age and had to retire due to my depression ( I was a nurse in learning disabilites and mental health 24 years). 
I hear you regarding needing to sleep.  This is a common symptom you are feeling when your depression is deciding to relive itself.  I believe it’s nature’s way of helping you heal, as you shut down so to speak from the world around you while your brain and the chemical imbalances try and sort themselves out, with the help of the prescribed medication.  Don’t worry unduly about it, and don’t beat yourself up about wanting to sleep.  Also you know that the symtoms will eventually go and you will be able to function again.

Hope this helps

Best wishes

Bridget

Hi Bridget, I’m 43 and would like to retire, I believe I have quite a few issues that I need to a address when the time is right but my trouble is trying to keep my business afloat -which to me seems almost impossible. I can’t even face the shower and shave routine let alone run an agency.

I have never been one to sleep, especially through the day. When I awoke this afternoon I lost the plot. I was racked with guilt and anxiety, thankfully a friend rang to check on me just as I was about to hyperventilate.

What a dreadful thing this is - and why me? And why you?

Regards

Steve

Hi Steve
I hope you feel my advice was helpful.  The ‘why me question’ is never helpful, as there is no answer to it.  I am a very simple person, so deal with life with the KIS rule i.e. ‘keep it simple’.  Have you sort help from your GP/Psychiatrist?  I hate tablets, but I have to take 300mg of Venlafaxine daily in order to live a normal healthy life.  And even with this, on occaision like the whole of 2007 up until Jan/feb 08 I just had to ‘be ill’ with this awful illness depression.  It’s taken me a good 8 years to accept my illness and the fact that I will need to take meds for life.  However once you do accept it, there is a sense of relief and taking back control of your life.  As you are feeling now, you have no control, which is the horrible aspect of depression.  I had no choice but to retire as my job as a nurse was contributing to my illness.  It was a huge decision and not one taken lightly.  Obviously you are in adifferent place having your own business.

The important thing is to ask for help from whereever you can.  This is not failure but a taking control of the situation by any means you can.  Write down on paper who you could ask help from?  Friends, family, GP, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, councellors?  And take that control.

Take care and know that through this fab web site you are not alone and someone is always listening

Take care

Best wishes

Bridget

That was a lovely response - I’ll sleep well with that reply. x

Hi Steve

Reading your story over the last few days (since I found this website) has made me realise how sometimes we impact people and affect lives in ways that we just don’t understand.

Steve your bravery shines through the things that you say, I am totally sure that you don’t see this but it is true.

Thank you for your honesty - it has helped me to understand that what I experience is not isolated and I am not alone, I don’t quite know how that works because I, and you, and Snoopy and Brencoot and all these amazing people (and Helen of course!) have never met and yet there is something here that is special and unique.

I don’t know anyone else who can look ahead into darkness in the way that we do and still believe that out there somewhere, if we don’t miss it, is the turning to somewhere safe and home.

I hope you slept ok Steve.

Mirage

Hello anyone listening.  I use alchol 2 help me.  My husband hates it coz i get bad.  I am ok at this mo coz i hav jus found a way 2 say how ifeeel wit out him makin acuz’  thank god 4 usz

I’ll have the odd glass but am careful because it does make me feel worse when I’m having a bad day and it does interfere with some medication.
Doctors don’t like depressives drinking at all because alcohol is a natural depressant and it can make you very ill if it conflicts with your pills. As long as you’re careful though and don’t go against medical advice then I don’t see the harm in the odd glass of wine now and again. If you do it all the time then you’re probably adding another problem to the list.
Snoopy xxx

Hello everybody I am new here so please be gentle.
When my depression was at its worst I found that my dog was the best help I could find.  The urge to stay in bed was lessened by the not wanting to have to clear up after her and once I got out walking the world started to look a better place. Plus if I start ranting she just looks at me with pure love.
It is so nice to have found this site-it helps to know that what I feel isn’t stupid
Love to you all

Hi Jane

I have two kids that I ashamedly struggle to get up for some mornings - so I’m not sure a dog would help but point taken. I think I have started to find getting up a little easier these last few days but I have learnt that it does have a habit of coming back and biting deep when you think you are conquering - I liken it to playing golf, one good round and you’re ready to take on Tiger Woods, next game you vow you’ll never play again.

Power to your dog - Steve

Hi Steve, I,m new to the site and just read your bit about getting out of bed and the pull to get back in. I feel like that so much it is so hard even though I have my alarm set to get up and get my little boy to playschool. I have to fight with my sleep to get out of bed but it seems easy for me to stay up at night even though I know how tired I’ll be the next day. First post sorry if is a bit short!!