Hi, this is the first time I have posted on here. My name is Mark. my wife has suffered from depression for around 3 1/2 years. It all started 6 months after we got together so I have been through the highs and lows with her. For the last 3 1/2 years she has been on sertraline and seen many differnt Drs due to them leaving etc.

Even on the meds she has never been 100% herself and still feels the ‘dark cloud’ over her. More so now than ever before, we suffered a miscarriage about 8 weeks ago which sparked off another session of bad depression, this lasted for about 5 weeks and then she seemed to pick herself up so I thought. It seems this was a front and she was bottling things up again. It has all came to a head today and she has had a breakdown, I am really worried for her and not sure what else I can do?

Our Dr just seems to up her meds everytime but I have read and been told that she shouldnt really be on these beds still after nearly 4 years? It got to the point this morning when I almost took her through to the hospital but then stopped myself through fear that they may keep her in and you hear such horrible things about what happens when people with mental health issues go into hospital.

I am sat here now with her asleep at the end of the sofa after wearing herself out through crying and working herself up, typing this as a sense of relief.

Would love to hear from anyone else who is supporting a partner through.

Mark

Hello Mark, welcome to the site.  I wish it could be in better circumstances for you.  I’ve just left a message for my ex husband as he was my carer to see what he found most helpful to be able to try to help you.  As for your wife, is there anything that you have noticed in the past that helps to calm her or make her feel somewhat better?  When I was screaming in agony and wore myself out, often sleep was the best thing as for both of us it was temporary relief.  It is impossible to know what to do for the best as a carer.  You aren’t a doctor and even the doctors don’t often know what to do for the best.  We are all so different.  Different things and indeed different medication works diffferently for different people.
When I was at my lowest and in hospital, the only thing I used to look forward to really was my husband taking me out for a cappuccino and a chocolate muffin!  Your wife may not like either of those things but if there is something that has worked in the past, even before you remember her being ill, it might help to do them now and regularly.  I have always loved coffee and cake and that was the only thing I hung on to liking to do and felt able to still do when I was ill.
Distraction is good and when I was feeling a little better than my worst, I found laughter and humour my best medicine.  I used to watch a funny film or a comedian.  Even though I didn’t feel like laughing when I started watching them, I was forced to laugh because it was funny and the positive, uplifting endorphins lifted my mood for several hours.  There’s even a yoga discipline dedicated to laughter which I hope demonstrates its power.
Often Mark, people let go of their emotions when they feel safe.  The fact that your wife became depressed six months after you got married probably is due to the fact that she feels safe enough to ‘let go’ what she’s been keeping inside for so long.  I know that’s not easy for you but if you just give what you feel you have to give and get help for this together, she has a very good chance of getting through this and you can then enjoy the rest of your life together. 
Depression is an illness, and as such it can be treated and you can get better.
Do be careful to look after yourself too Mark.  Depression is a selfish illness and you can throw everything you have into it and it still won’t be enough.  You will be able to help your wife much more if you are healthy and positive yourself.  My husband always used to say to me when I was talking negatively that it was the black dog talking and my depression and not the real me.  That really helped me.  He also used to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be ok and even though I didn’t believe him at the time, it did help to calm down.
I feel for you Mark and wish I could wave a magic wand for you.  We are ALWAYS here Mark.  Why don’t you make you both a cup of tea when your wife wakes up and drink it together.  Knowing that you are not alone and have somebody there, even if you don’t talk, helps.
My thoughts are with you Mark.  Do let us know how you are getting on.  I’ll get back to you as soon as I hear back from my ex husband and I’m sure you’ll hear from others on the site.  Best wishes, Helen

Hi,
Im also new here, and read this post from you Mark and felt everything you are going through, I am a carer too my Mum has suffered with depression for six years now. I am however in the fortunate position of having my husband who has been there for me through the roughest of times and I really hope you have someone you can talk to.

I would like to say though if you really felt your wife needed to be seen by the hospital I would follow your gut instinct as you will know her better than anyone, the hospital staff and mental health services are there to support you and your wife and she is entitled to their care, don’t let anyone make you feel like you are wasting their time or fob you off, do you not have a community nurse that she sees?
My Mum was hospitalised following her first breakdown and it was horrible to see her there but we got to a piont where it really was the best thing for her, they ajusted her meds and found the right combination, they were wonderful in there so don’t believe its all electric shock treatments and straight jackets its really not.

take care and i hope things work out soon k

Katy and Mark Xx Just wanted to say I read your stories and I think your both WONDERFUL wonderful wonderful people X so strong so caring x