The shadow of serious mental illness is cast upon parents, siblings, spouses and children.  My husband calls it the ripple effect.

I guess this is as good a place as any to try and get the ball rolling on this section of the website as Helen has already touched on the expression I used when I was caring for her.

As Helens husband I had to deal with the full barrage of the effects that mental illness has on the nearest and dearest of the ill person and like the doctors and theripist have word and sayings that they use to help the patient, so do the carers to help them deal with what they are going through on a day to day basis.

The onslought of Helens illness was pretty quick although we know now and I know Helen would agree with this is that she was aware that the wheel were coming off the carraige before they eventually did. I had spotted something was wrong as in the stress of work was getting too much for her and did try and intervene at a personal level with he r boos at work but unfortunatly I was too late. Helens slide into mental illness gathered at a pace and before I knew it I was listening to the doctor diagnosing her with severe physical and mental exhaustion which had led to depression.

Helen was having none of it complete denial that anything was that wrong. However I had seen the signs and now I needed to interpret them into something I could understand and deal with and allow me to try and be able to handle the suituation that we as a family now had been confronted with.

Now my job is about problem solving and keeping people safe. Give me a desert or jungle a team of people a few vehicles, some equipment, string sticky back plastic, a washed out bridge at a swollen river crossing and I will make a plan and get my team and vehicles across it!!!! This was a different issue though…. sure I had heard of mental illness and depression, never dealt with it before and never had any first hand experiance of it either. What to do… for once I didn’t have the tools and knowledge to deal with the problem I was confronted with.

Frustration was quick to set in, you cannot reason with mental illness, there will always be an answer to the reasons that you think are good to try and help the ill person. The illness makes they themselves very devious and sometimes its a battle of wills.

I needed to get a handle on this and Helen being admitted to a phsychiatric ward as things weren’t getting better in Windsor was the trigger for me to learn more about the illness. 20 books later from Amazon I had immersed myself into a few weeks of study to read up as much as I could about this terrible illness to try and understand more about what the mechanics and chemistry of depression.

Thats was a big learning curve and helped me a great deal in what it was Helen was going through. Of course I could only imagine and visualise what it was from the descriptions and writings of many people who had suffered about it. You will only truly know what it is if you are unfortunate to suffer from it yourself….... In my reading I came across a book called ‘How to survive whilst those around you are depressed’. It was really useful and the only book I came across at that time that wrote about the illness from a carer perspective..

In that book the term ‘Depression Fallout’ was used as a means of describing how the mental illness of a person, and of course that doesn’t just need to be depression it can be other forms of mental illness, effects the people surrounding and associated with that person.

Like the effect of a nuclear explosion where the damage is worst closest to the centre and sweeps out like the ripples from a stone thrown into the still waters of a pond the effects of depression/mental illness are longreaching and like a nuclear bomb also have a long lasting and sometimes detrimental effect on those whom it touches, nearly always worse at the epicentre….... I know because I am one of those.. however that is not to say that you who are reading this now will become one of those statistics.

As a carer it is a lonley job as Helen has already mentioned in another post. You need to find support to help you as well to deal with the depression fallout. My family and close friends were a huge support for me especailly my family, but I also needed to find tools to help me as well and those books helped a lot in an explanation of what was going on. I don’t think there is enough support out there for carers and I do hope this website that Helen has developed will fill a gap and become a hub where people who are suffering or are carers who need advice or just want to talk can come and find a sympathetic ear.

I am going to stop now as I think I have said enough for the moment. The hope is that Helen can get some action happening on this section of the site so hopefully I have given some food for thought. Not wanting to finish on a negative note I just want to say that over the years of looking after Helen when she was ill all her doctors and therapists said she could get better. That ‘Black Dog’ as Winston Churchill used to call it is a tough beast to shift, he gets bigger the longer the illness progresses, but he can be kicked off his perch. Its team work though, patient, carers, doctors, therapists, medication and friends all can help but there is a lot that has to come from the patient themselves.

There is light at the end of that dark tunnel, you as a carer have to believe that. Helens doctors were right but that old black dog got to a hell of size and he changed personality from sever depression to manic depression or bi polar before something in Helen started to displace him. Where he is now you will have to ask Helen, but he isn’t as big as he was and he is much more under control, causing a lot less in depression fallout and the ripple effect.. Have faith in that things will get better, they can and you have to believe that because for the person you are caring for the Black Dog wont let them have the faith that they will get better.

Can you tell me who wrote the book you referred to. I would be keen to get a copy.
I am feeling the fall out at the moment from being the closest friend to someone suffering from the ‘black dog’. Treading on broken egg shells is becoming very difficult. Sometimes I feel like a battered punch bag

Any udates bout the book’s name? I also would like to know it’s name. It would be a lovely gift for my friend suffering from it..

Regards,
rachelzank

Dear Henbant, I am very sorry that it has taken me too long to get back to you to confirm who wrote the book that my husband recommended.  It was ‘How you can survive when they’re depressed’ Living and Coping with Depression Fallout by Anne Sheffield by Three Rivers Press.
I do hope that things have improved and that your friend is somewhat better and that you are feeling less like a punchbag.  Thinking of you. 
I saw my husband at the weekend as I went to Scotland to see him and my in-laws before Christmas as I always do and he confirmed that it is still the best book that helped him the most (and he read a lot of books!) Best wishes, Helen

Thanks Helen. That is really useful. I will get a copy of the book. My friend is better than he was. Some things are hard for me to understand so maybe this book will help me too. Have a great Christmas

I have read the book which was really helpful.
It has made me realise that there are many agencies and supports available to people with depression but the support for their carers and friends is much more difficult to find. Does anyone have experience of either running carers support groups or being part of a support network in the community?

Hello Henbant Xxx you sound a wonderful caring person Xx when I did my health and social care with the open university they refered alot to carers of all ages and types and mentioned an Informal carers allowance. I attended the course many years ago and the books I had to refer to I past on to other students, Years later I told a friend about the carers allowance and help which can be provided and she doubted me at first that she could be offered any help yet she was ...she was so shocked and had me to thank. I have lost touch with her since, so I can’t ask. Have you rang social services ?. I honestly believe there is a system in place that helps informal carers. I shall ask my friends husband because she suffers from very severe depression whereby she doesn’t eat or speak for months on end XxHUGxX I hope I can help let me make a few enquiries Xx I know she has a lady come to the house to clean and do chores and offer respite care for the carer XxChloe

http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/moneyandlegal/carersbenefits/Pages/Overview.aspx?WT.srch=1&gclid=CImH9L6usp8CFQ67Zwod0XbNTA

I have been reading the web about carers allowance and I have never asked if you can claim for caring for somebody with depression or get respite care support. Just a thought it may lead you to other places asking these questions and find other domestic help or supoort groups or financial help Xx Chloe

http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/kinds/Pages/Overview.aspx?WT.srch=1&gclid=CL6Cot2vsp8CFc0SzAod_juP0Q

Another page Call Carers Direct on 0808 802 0202
Or email CarersDirect@nhschoices.nhs.uk.

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Lines are open 8am to 9pm Monday to Friday, 11am to 4pm at weekends. Calls are free from UK landlines.

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I tapped in depression into google I not sure if they are catering for the depression of the carer having to provide care Xx Chloe Xx

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/depression/caringforsomeonewithdepression_000482.htm

This site had losts of information about support groups Xx chloe

www.depressionalliance.org/help-and-information/... - 17k - Similar pages

http://www.depressionalliance.org/help-and-information/friends-and-family.php

Hope this helps XxChloe

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/CaringAndSupportServices/DG_4000178?CID=DWP&TYPE=Sponsoredsearch&CRE=SupportServices

Hug Xx

Depression Home Care Support from Pulse Independent Living.
www.pulsejobs.com

Xx

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/depression/caringforsomeonewithdepression_000482.htm

Reads -
Other sources of help
There are many sources of help and support for depressed people and those who care for them, with some of the most notable being the Samaritans, MIND and Cruse Bereavement Care. Carers, in combination with these charities, doctors and nurses, can combine to make an essential contribution to helping a depressed person overcome their disorder and feel well again.

Hope this all helps XxxChloe

I found this beautiful book on amazon Past Caring by Audrey Jenkinson its a collection of stories written by carers to help empathise with all those in informal care Xx May Help xx

Another book I found was Caring for Someone with Depression - By Tony Battison