Book List -

Caring for Someone with Depression - By Tony Battison

Past Caring - By Audrey Jenkinson

How you can Survive when they’re depressed, Living and coping with depression Fallout - By Anne Sheffield

50 things you can do today to beat Depression - By Paul Vincent

Living with Depression How to Cope when your partner is depressed (previously called living with the black dog) - By Caroline Carr

Living with the Black Dog - By Matthew Johnstone

Taming the Black Dog How to Beat Depression A practical Manual for suffers their relatives and colleagues - By Patrick Ellverton

I had a Black Dog - By Matthew Johnstone

SOD IT The depression virus and how to deal with it - By Martin Davies

Living with the black dog: How to cope when your partner is depressed - By Caroline Carr, Richard Craze and Roni Jay

Hi Chloe,
Thank you so much for this information. I have read the book by Anne Sheffield which is really helpful. I will take a look at some of the web links and the other references that you have pointed out.
I know there is provision for carers benefits, a right to carers assessments and the provision of respite care. I am also thinking of those who are close to people with depression who might not be identified as main carer, or indeed as providing practical support on an ongoing basis. This forum is great for involving those directly involved and those with a looser attachment to a person with depression - all of whom feel the powerful emotions that go with the territory along with might be described as a grieving, even if this is temporary, for a personal relationship that almost seems lost. There must be a balance between providing reassuring love and support that never gives up and maintaining your own well being. If anyone hears of groups that have been formed providing mutual support and confidentiality in a local area I would be interested to hear of the benefits and pitfalls
Many thanks.
Love Henbant x

Henbant Xx Ah XX thats what the grieving means I did wonder Xx I was a sufferer of depression 1998 yet I was single and lived on my own so luckily no carers were involved Xx Oh gosh you need to be so strong Xxx I feel so helpless xx I wish you all the very best of luck on this voyage Xx I shall ask my friends husband if he knows of any groups because she gets so unwell it is soul destroying for everyone involved Xx When she is ill I can’t bear to look at her because I want to cry and she gets really really thin and wont speak to anybody I get all uncomfortable and helpless it is like looking at the shell of her former self. She is a mother of 4 children so it is so very sad when she is affected Xx I know you are wonderful, because you are living with the illness XXX bless you XXHUGXxLove Chloe XX

Thank you again Chloe.
Its not that I feel the need for support myself at the moment. It comes from what I did go through a few months ago. It was quite a shock at the time. I can’t go into much detail because of confidentiality. i did try to get some advice or support over the phone specific to depression fallout and I discovered how it is much more straight forward to obtain support if you are the sufferer and not someone “just” involved in their life. Even when I did make contact with relevant organisations and they gave me their time when it was needed, they were not geared up to this and would have been unable to sutain this kind of support. It is from that position that I think there must be a gap for a lot of people who find themselves in a similar situation. I would think of being involved in a support group as a result of that and other experiences.
Thank you for your time
Henbant x x

Henbant Xx Yes I do believe you have raised an important issue that needs to be addressed by our health service. Familys need support and professional advice should be provided for those involved in living with somebody with depression. I believe we are creating the new age of change that is going to address these issues and help support those suffering with the grief of living with somebody with the illness. There aren’t many leaflets at the doctors about it either or helpful tips on how to cope. My ex husband was an alcoholic and I used to attend a lovely support group with my friends mother whose husband drank. My friend identified the problem in my relationship and I went along with her mum to an AA support group where I learnt the prayer of serenity. I was very young and shocked at the stories I heard in the group and it was wonderful to realise I wasn’t alone. I went to a CBT group when I wasn’t well and that was wonderful having the support of the others there. It does need somebody to start a support group or many to help people who live with people with depression You might be inspiring a new enterprise of support . Lets Hope XXHUGXxChloe

Henbant Xx It needs somebody to build it and they will come ! (Have you watched the movie about the baseball stadium) It needs somebody to start holding meetings. The AA meeting I attended was held at somebodys house and was advertised word of mouth, the meetings helped restore my friends life and mine, the support and solidarity was incredibleXx I hope you find one that helps you XxChloe

Hello Henbant, how are you? I heard a while ago on the news about some people, maybe politicians, who were lobbying to try to get carers more help, financially and otherwise, cos they save the NHS millions, perhaps billions every year by taking care of people. I’m not sure what happened to that though cos I haven’t heard anything since.

How are you feeling at the moment? It is very hard for carers cos no matter how much you try to keep some distance (or should I say, not let it affect you), the fact that you are a “carer”, means you “care” therefore it is going to affect you. Simple human nature.

Anyway, I hope you are OK, and if I hear anything about what happened to this lobbying thing, I’ll let you know. Take care of yourself!

My friends Husband answered my email asking about support groups and said,’ You can get Disability Living Allowance if the illness prevents you from working or causes difficulties in day to day activities. We’ve never claimed, but her health visitor says she would qualify’. How kind of him to respond so quickly and help me XxThank you Xx

I Hope this helps xx Chloe

Henbant Xx When you ask about support groups do you mean, meetings as in social support meetings ie a get together to talk about it or support as in help, advice and financial support. I think I have been looking for support groups as in little meetings in peoples houses or village halls, what am I like ???? I do come from this planet yet I am not on it all the time ha ha xXx sorry Chloe Xx

Have you seen AOL are running a feature on depression today Xx

www.netdoctor.co.uk/depression/support_groups.sh… - 43k - Similar pages

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/depression/support_groups.shtml

www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression/... - 89k - 1 hour ago - Similar pages

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression/support-group

Hope these help Xx

Henbant Xx I hope you find the help you are looking for Xx I have put a topic up asking for some feedback and reading your post again without my daughter crying in one ear I now appreciate you are looking for support in all aspects be it a support group in the community or other organisations. I hope I raise some support for you and get some answers to your questions please forgive my scattieness Xx Chloe

Henbant Xx
please can you go over and help tulytops Xxhug Chloe Xx

Henbant , Tulytops wrote :

Hi, need some advice please. My husband has diagnosed with depression. he is on alot of pills olanzapine, trazadone, diazapan, he is also off work and attending cbt and other stuff 4 days a week. we hae only been married 6 months and have 5 kids. I’m finding life very hard and dont know how to cope. He is very critical, blames me for alot of things and cries often. I love him very much but it is getting very hard. He goes out or spends most of his time alone in his room. I feel like my husband has died and all that is left is a smoking miserable man who makes me cry and blames me or the kids for how he feels. This all sounds very selfish of me cos i know hes very poorly. He doesnt like me to text or call friends as it makes him paranoid so i feel very lonely. I only get a break at work as i work for two hours a day in a school. Can anyone please give me some advice?

Please would you talk to her HUG XX Chloe

Dear Henbant,  I do hope that this finds you well.  I really feel for you as a carer.  It is only since I have got better that I can see how hard it was for my husband who was my carer.  My husband went along to a couple of group meetings organized by the hospital but there wasn’t anyone leading the meetings and he found it far from helpful being thrown in a room with lots of other carers desperate for answers and direction.  Depression is a very selfish illness and very draining for anyone close to them.  I’ve read many stories by carers.  Here are a few comments that stick in my mind: ” The mentally ill are exhausting.”  “Just give what you have to give, because you could throw your whole life in there….depression is a black hole.  It will swallow you up and still never be enough.” “When people are ill, they are selfish.  They just can’t help it.”

I asked a good friend of mine how he became involved with the carer support network.  His wife has suffered from depression for many years and he found himself almost at breaking point and didn’t know where to turn for help.  He attended several groups and now runs one in Leicester.  I asked him to describe how he got started.  Here’s his reply:

I will attempt to try and answer your questions as best as I can Helen in the hope that it will encourage your enquirer in becoming as involved as possible in supporting and/or setting up a Carer Forum.
For me all of this started some four years ago when I was invited to attend a Carer Training and Education Course run by an organisation called Rethink. The course was excellent and I was privileged to have met some new friends and colleagues, some of which are now lifelong friends.
At the end of the course, that lasted for thirteen weeks (each Friday) representatives from Rethink and another organisation called CSIP asked a small group of us whether or not we may be interested in running a Carer Forum for Leicestershire and Rutland. The first reaction I remember was: “No thankyou. I have enough on my plate”.
However, it is now obvious that we were won over by a very convincing argument and we were exposed to some very prominent people who worked within the NHS.
To cut a very long story short, a small group of us were moulded, educated and introduced to a wealth of talent who would ease us through some of the processes of applying for funding, making sure that we wrote our own Constitution, guided us through some of the legal processes and introduced us to a number of Committee’s placing us all on a fast track of learning.
Funding was the most important factor for consideration and during 2008 we were persuaded by the local Council that we really should think about employing a part-time Project Worker. Jules has been a God send and works so very hard for us all and has reduced my workload considerably.
Premises were another issue that needed to be addressed and, again, we were supported and advised by both the Leicestershire County Council and the PCT to achieve this.
We were introduced to an existing Service User organisation called The Peoples Forum and almost from day one we hit it off and the rest, as they say, is history.
The biggest challenge we face is probably promoting ourselves and attracting Carers to become Members of Carers’ Action. Also, during these difficult financial times, we must ensure that we keep our noses clean and ensure that funding continues to happen. 2011 will see the conclusion of our funding Contract and we will working extremely hard to ensure that the local authorities and the PCT continue to fund our Forum.
Lastly, at the end of this week we will be the proud owners of our very own Web Site. As you know, we have not rushed into this and we have employed the services of a Web Site Consultancy and we all believe this will be money well spent. I have asked for the Web Site to be up and running by the end of this week and as soon as I know the Web Site address I will let you know. I think it will be www.carers-action.com but I need to have this confirmed.
Hope this is of some help. Let me know if you need any further information.