Hi there

After having experienced depression before, I can feel myself going down that slippery path again. My father died suddenly at the end of Oct and after having survived Christmas a black cloud has enveloped me. I have a job that I love and am good at but I have been signed off sick the last few weeks as I can’t face it. I’m falling into old depression patterns - hiding away, not seeing friends, eating too much, not enjoying anything. The day goes past and all I’ve done is watch television. I’ve started anti-depressants again as they helped last time and work has set up some counselling. I feel so bad because Mum is worrying about me and she doesn’t need that with her grief. I also know Dad would be so sad at they way I am coping, he would want me to live life to the full. Work has been very understanding but I feel that I am letting them down as they have extra work to cover my absence. I know I am doing everything that is opposite to getting out of a depression. And yet knowing all this I cannot motivate myself to do what’s right. I’m guessing part of me is getting something out of being depressed but I can’t figure out what. At the moment I am existing not living.

Ali

Dear Ali, you are worrying so much about others which seems to be so typical of people who suffer from depression. We try to hard and worry about upsetting and trying to please others, indeed everyone.  No one can make everyone happy all the time yet we still try!
Maybe you need some time and your body needs some time.  I do believe that time is a great healer and in giving time time.  I think the fact that you acknowledge that you love and are good at your job is a good sign.
I’ve been told over and over that guilt is a useless emotion but it doesn’t stop me feeling it or others feeling it. 
Is there anything you’d like to do while you are off work that could make you feel better.  If so please try to do it.  If not, maybe try to think about you’d like to do.
I find life balance very important in my life.
Have you spoken to anyone about how your feeling and your grief?  If not would you like to or feel that you would benefit from it?
Think what would help you and what you would like for a change.
Thinking of you.  Helen
Do take care.

Thank you so much for those words. They are comforting and I will give them some thought.

Ali

Hello Ali,

Guilt and shame are to of the most common causes of depression. Unfortunately when we are depressed we have a tendancy to catatrophise negative events i.e. blow them out of all proportion and make our failings seem far worse than they really are.

This leads to deeper feelings of depression, which leads to negative thoughts and self blame, which deepens our depression, which leads to negative thoughts and self blame, which leads to depression, which leads to negative thoughts and self blame etc. ect!

I too have been a victim of this vicious spiral (my user name is no accident), and even though I’m feeling much better than I did, I’m still not completely over it.

I’ve found some links that might help you get things back into perspective:

http://www.2knowmyself.com/dealing_with_guilt/overcoming_guilt/sense_of_guilt_shame

http://www.guyfinley.org/free-content/writings/special-lessons/2659

http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Feelings-of-Guilt

http://centerstone.org/assets/2008/9/15/GetOverGuilt032807.pdf

I hope these help in some way.

Wishing all the best,

Karma

Hi Ali,

Sorry, I forgot this one:

http://www.content4reprint.com/other/feeling-guilty-7-ways-to-get-rid-of-guilt.htm

Karma

Wow Karma thanks.  I’m going to look at those links too.  Ali I hope you’re doing ok.  Thinking of you. Will

Thank you Karma for those links. I will take a look. Thank you for taking the time to reply. Thank you Will for your kind wishes. Bless you all .

Hi Ali, just read your posts and wondered how you’re doing.  Maybe you can’t do anything right now because now’s not the right time to be doing it!?  And by the way, your dad would be nothing other than worried about you like your mum is.  Our parents always love us and worry about us wherever they are.  Please stop beating yourself up.  Life does that to us well enough without us helping it out.  Take care. Will