I am suffering from depression right now and no one ever understands me. Some people think I am faking it and they don’t care. I feel so alone and helpless. I just started college last year and I do not adjust well to change. I miss my high school and old friends so bad, there are no words to describe it. My depression ruins relationships too. One day, I all of a sudden turned on my boyfriend. Any friends I have made in college so far, I have abandoned them. The worst part is, I feel no remorse for doing so. I also have no interest in making new friends, which people claim is unhealthy. I have never been confident in myself and I am very pessimistic. My confidence level is so low that I can’t get a job, I am afraid to. Everyday, I sleep for anywhere from 3-9 hours during the day, not counting nighttime sleep. Last but not least, I sometimes cry for no reason. The rest of my life will probably be like this seeing as how I can’t can’t go back in time.

My hear goes out to you hun xx

Thanks, even that makes me feel a little bit better.

I read your message and wanted to reply to it at the time.  I have been thinking about you and wanted to tell you how brave you are to have started college and to keep going despite how you are feeling.  You acknowledge that it is ‘unhealthy’ not to want to make friends and are aware that ‘it’ is affecting your relationships.  All this sounds like you could benefit from talking to someone but maybe you feel too drained for anything more than making it through the day at the moment. 
I know that getting out of bed is a huge effort in itself.  If you manage that and then make it to college you probably have little left by the end of your day.  No matter how much sleep you get, I bet you never wake up refreshed.  Sleep seems like the best way to rid yourself of the depression, albeit temporarily and you always feel tired so you think sleep will help.  It never really does help but it is often the only thing you want to do when you’re depressed.
You say that people don’t care or think that you are faking.  Do you think that it could be that they don’t understand?  I don’t think that anyone can really understand what depression feels like unless they have experienced it themselves or at close hand.  Lack of understanding can make people seem heartless and impatient.  I am sure that they don’t mean to be like that but they don’t know what to do or how best to handle you.
If you trust them as friends, maybe you could try telling them what would help you or what you would like them to do or how you would like them to be around you.  If you’re not even sure about that yourself, have a think about how you think they could help you.  Some people want to help but don’t know how.  When we are depressed, we’re not very communicative which doesn’t help those who do want to help.  We often end up snapping due to frustration and then upset those who we care for most and just give up trying to be around people.
It’s a learning curve for sufferers and their friends and loved ones.  My husband calls it the ripple effect.  The person who is depressed it at the core of the terrible effect but the people around them feel the effects too.
When you do feel ready, maybe you could seek advice from your doctor who could find someone for you to talk to.  The fact that you acknowledge that there is an issue really does indicate that you don’t have to feel like this for the rest of your life and that with the right help you will feel much better.
Thinking of you, Helen

Hello Girl I hope you are feeling a bit better, it is very brave of you to post your thoughts because I can see that you are in a place where nothing seems right. Try to see little things that you may enjoy maybe a shower in the morning, a fresh juicy apple or the growing plants in this time of the year. My thoughts are with you too. Cristal

Hi
I am very sorry to hear about how bad you are feeling at the moment. You sound exactly like I did 6 years ago, when I started university.
I HATE it when you tell people something, personal things that hurt to share, and you can tell by the look in their eyes that they didn’t believe a word of it. It makes a complete mockery of the saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’.
Not being able to go back in time is the route of a lot of my problems. My whole life is one big regret. You always see in films and soaps, people who wake up when they’re middle aged or old and feel like this. I’m 25.
Have you told your Dr about how you are feeling? You don’t have to answer; I just want to tell you about what has helped me in the past. I have been on anti-depressants since I was 14 and would not be here now if I hadn’t taken them. If you haven’t tried herbal medicines, such as St John’s Wart, it might be worth trying those first. I am currently on a waiting list to see a councillor, I have never tried it, but I figure anything has to be worth a try. When I’m feeling really really bad, I’ve found the only thing that alleviates my negativity is distraction. Sudoku, foreign films, reading – anything that takes moderate concentration.
I’m sorry I can’t be more positive, but I offer you my understanding and someone to talk to. XXX

Thank you all for the replies. I have went to a psychologist for about three times. Then my parents forgot about it, but I am done caring. I will never be able to feel good again, and I have come to terms with it. I think that life is a complete waste of time. It is pointless and worthless. I hate it. Evereyday, I wake up thinking about about how terrible life is. Everytime a friend asks me what is wrong, I tell them about how I am sick of life and it is worthless. They say that this scares them and they tell me never to say anything like it again, so I have also come to the conclusion that I should just further bottle up my emotions. Maybe that is what I should do. I told my mom that this is what I think of life and she told me to just let go of the past (high school). I refuse to do this. I will never let go.

On the other hand, I randomly feel extremely…this is hard to explain…different. Like, I feel very energized, very confident, and basically the opisite of depressed. When I feel this way, I feel the need to challenge people and I take risks. One time, I felt this way and I ran across a highway at night (dont worry, the cars were far away). I don’t know why. It is like I am on an emotional rollar coaster. One day(or hour), I am really depressed and the next, the complete oposite. 

Another thing that I have been having trouble with is my early life. I have been adopted for a long time and I love my parents. But there are problems with my birthparents. When I was young, my birthfather abandoned me, possibly before I was even born, the full deatails are unknown. My birthmother is bipolar. I will bet that she passed on to me some bad genes for depression and anxiety. My anxiety causes me to worry about everything. A worry for me is like a song that plays over and over again in the head. My parents think that I am faking my anxiety. I can never forgive her(my birthmother) for having me. She should never have had me born. I do not deserve this. I just can’t forgive her for what she did to me (having me born).

I hope that you are feeling somewhat better.  Life seems very hard right now for you.  There aren’t many guarantees in this life but one guarantee is that nothing stays the same.  Try to look to the future and know that this won’t last.  This is not permanent even though that doesn’t seem possible right now.  It often helps and may help you to talk to other people who have felt so low and felt there was no way out who have fully recovered. 
I know you don’t feel like smiling right now but when you smile you make the happy hormone, serotonin.  Laughter is a powerful antidote to depression.  It releases endorphins and reduces stress hormones that affect mood.  I took a friend of mine who was very depressed to see a comedian.  She didn’t even want to go out never mind watch a comedian.  She laughed involuntarily (because he was funny!) and felt much better that day and the next.  This may sound trivial but it really can make a difference.
Can you remember a nice time somewhere or with someone, watching something or someone or doing something fun?  Hang onto that and visualise it when you are thinking negatively.  And try to do more of the things that you like doing or would like to do or try.  If you don’t know what that is, try visualising what you think you would like to do or try and have a go.  You never know!
Bipolar depression, characterized by massive highs and miserable lows, is highly responsive to CBT that helps break the vicious circle of disturbed patterns of feeling by dividing seemingly overwhelming problems into smaller manageable parts.  You seem to still find certain aspects of your past hard.  Maybe you might be ready to consider seeing a therapist again to talk about these.  Your doctor could refer you to a therapist.
I love your clever analogy of anxiety being like a song played over and over.  You sound very perceptive and sensitive.  You don’t deserve to carry on feeling like this.  No-one does.  You deserve to enjoy life.  Life is hard but simple pleasures can make it seem a whole lot nicer. 
Thinking of you, Helen

well, I am feeling better now. I went to my psychiatrist and discussed my mood swings. I have a mood disorder. She is pretty sure that it is bipolar 2, but she said that will be ruled out completely in October. I am now on lamictal. This is my 4th week on it. I am starting to feel a little better.

Sounds like you are really having a rough time, but it doesn’t mean it has to last forever. I know you might not like this question, but have you ever been to a therapist or sought after professional help?

Mental health is often kinda disbelieved cos people can’t see it. If you lose a leg or something, people can see it so believe it. Unfortunately the phrase “needs to be seen to be believed” is very true with most people.

Don’t give up, just take little steps at consciously trying to change a few things (like the not shutting people out etc) and try to speak to a professional. It may take a while to find a professional who you can relate to, but it’s worth the effort cos you are still young and have time to change and enjoy the rest of your life.

Just wanted to say what lovely kind thoughtful caring intelligent advice Xx

How are you ?

I read this could it help a friend Xx

The guardian tuesday 5 Jan 2010 - Mindfulnesss Three minute exercise
mindfulness is described as a way of paying attention to feelings ans emotions so that they can be managed. It involves meditation , yoga and breathing techniques.
’ three minute breathing space’
1. ask yourself what is my experience right now ? and notice any body sensation, thoughts or feelings you are having without judging them.
2. place your attention on your breathing following the in-and-out breath as it naturally occurs.
3. Expand your awareness to the whole of your body continuing to notice any thoughts feelings or physical sensations that occur without judgemant.
Hope this helps somebody help somebody HUG :0) xx