So i have a few good friends that know what im going through etc… and there is 1 of them that hasn’t reeally bothered with me and im gutted and disapointed at the same time! .. we used to meet up about once every 2 weeks… and talk on facebook all the time.. and now im lucky if i even get to talk to her on facebook.. she used to ask if i wanted to meet up and tbh it all gets to much and i always back out :( ... and i know its my fault ... i feel like ive lost a friend and yet as stupid as it sounds i feel as if i have no energy to get in touch to try and make our friendship better… :( there isnt really a question here… suppose its more off a “one of those i need a hug moments” ... :\

Good morning Clinging on, I note the time of your post.  Goodness you’ve been awake at god unearthly hours haven’t you. The middle of the night can be a particularly bad time for thinking. 
Like you I found friends getting farther and farther away when I was very low with depression.  Whilst I probably had pushed them away in the first instance as I actually didn’t feel able to cope with the pressure of meeting, I was really upset that I thought our friendship was over.  When I was feeling better a couple of years later (I’m not saying it will take this long for this to happen for you) I got back in touch and they said that they were leaving me be to get on with recovering and thought that rather than pestering figured that I’d be in touch when I felt able to pick up the friendship which is what I’d done.  They were right to do that.  On the other hand friends can find it difficult to know what to do for the best when a friend is ill. Don’t presume it’s over.  It may be on hold.  The friendship can always be there but not as active as you’d like.  The good thing is that when you see a good friend after a long time you can pick up where you left off and feel like you’ve never been apart.  Don’t make it another worry.  You’ve got enough of those.  Your friend wouldn’t want it to be another worry.  I used to send cards to friends which made me feel I was staying in touch and it was manageable.  You take care.  Helen

... sending you a cyber hug! Helen

i hope you are right :( i feel as if i am letting everyone down im ment to be going to a birthday meal tomorrow but to be honest i dont want to go… the thought of going is making me so anxious! think im just going to leave it. few of my friends just dont know how to react… and it makes me feel worse because i feel as if i cant open up to them.. if it was any other problem… they would give advice and be okay but with this they dont have a clue and i feel kind off frustrated :\ i just feel as if i am going through problem after problem.. one friend said i need to get out more and i just felt hurt by it because meeting up with 1 close person is hard enough nevermind a group of people :(

Hi Clinging on, I remember those horrible thoughts of feeling I was letting people down and feeling others didn’t understand.  Many have said since that they didn’t feel let down and although they were sad that I wasn’t there that was as far as it went.  I used to imagine the worst that they all thought of me.  My thinking was very exaggerated and black and white.  Sometimes when we don’t look forward to something we can enjoy it but when one is feeling so down, as you say the anxiety, stress and worry of just getting there can send us to our beds can’t it and I think if you weigh up the odds of going and decide not to then don’t and try not to worry about not going.  That’s easy for me to say as I didn’t go and I felt terrible for the whole time I thought the event was going on but looking back I know it served no purpose other than to make me feel worse.
As for people not understanding, I think of depression like any illness and one can’t know what it’s really like unless they’ve been through it and we wouldn’t wish depression on anyone.  Some people try to understand, some people refuse to budge and don’t believe in depression. 
I had a male friend whose wife suffered from depression.  He didn’t believe it as an illness.  He was a manager and didn’t believe it of his staff UNTIL he suffered from it himself some many years later.  Now he certainly knows what it’s like and feels really bad for his lack of empathy over the years.
There are books out to help people around a depression sufferer to understand it.  There are some on the recommended further reading on the ‘I am a Carer’ page on the site.  My husband read them and found them very helpful.  I was very lucky that he was willing to do so.
Is it possible your brother is unhappy himself or hates his job maybe and may be feeling down himself and feel trapped and unable to do anything about his situation?  Often these feelings can manifest themselves in anger especially in men.
Maybe he is just a ‘t**t’ as you say and if he is you’re probably wasting your energy trying to explain yourself and why should you.  You are ill.  He’s not going to help you get better.  You need to conserve your energies to get back to the life you want.  Let him get on with his.  I find our efforts are far better spent on changing our reactions to others than trying them to try to change theirs.
Thinking of you Clinging On.  You take care and try to put that invisible barrier up when people’s attitudes and negativity are around.  Sending you lots of positive thoughts.  Helen

Hi clinging on, I found out simply by, like you, not feeling able to contact mates or keep up friendships that they were still there when I could be a proper mate again and would always be.  It doesn’t help for me to say don’t worry about that but I wanted to let you know what I found.  Will

sorry i haven’t replied earlier i am finding it hard to concentrate… once i finish reading a few lines i forget what i write i then put my finger up to the screen to help and it takes so much effort to take it in and digest… so much so i now have to scroll up and re read again argghhhhh :(

sorry but this is being a piss take :( thank you both for replying its nice to have feedback… i will let reply sometime soon

1 thing i can remember!... i didn’t go to my friends party .. she kinda knows about my depression but we haven’t really had a proper talk about my feelings with her because its hard to open up and i doubt she would understand. i text her saying i wasnt feeling well and hoped she has a good time and all i got back was ... your such a let down! .... and it just kicked me when i was down.. i apologized to her on facebook chat.. and she didnt respond.. and it really ticked me off ... i feel as if my friends arent trying to understand ... i dont know :( im just writing how i feel i suppose :\

Hmmm that wasn’t a very helpful reply was it from your friend was it bless her. Given how you were feeling in the first instance she managed to just add to it bless her.  As a friend she genuinly would have wanted you there because she likes you and it’s selfishly wanting you there that prompted that message.  I don’t think she will have been aware of it’s impact on you at least I hope not. As we’ve said before if she understood depression she wouldn’t have sent that message. 
You know you couldn’t have managed it and she wouldn’t have been happy if you’d turned up and not been well so you saved her that and she might see that at a later date.
In the meantime you take care and keep hanging on and I hope you get to take in some of the sunshine while it’s here and feel a bit better.  Helen