Hi all,

After seeing the interview on ITV’s this morning, I decided to come and have a look at the website.
I have been keeping tabs on the site over the last few weeks and waiting for the forums to open so I could register.

My name is steve, I am 28 on tuesday and married to Claire.

We have 2 boys, aged 8 and nearly 4.

The 8 year old has ADHD and DCD.

I have come on here because I have been battling depression for the last 8 years since my first son was born. I was told I had a male form of post natal depression.

My best friend was murdered 4 years ago by her boyfriend, a man I knew and was with the night I met my wife.
A year later, my dad died and I am still feeling the affects of that!

we are still paying for the funeral and I have never recieved any bereavement counselling for the after affects of his death.

More recently, I have just quit college yesterday as I have been having alot of trouble with my mental health and wanting to sort my self out before puttig a huge strain on my health.

3 weeks ago, I thought about committing suicide cos I was fed up of my son never sleeping, his medication has since changed and so has his sleep now too.

My mood has lifted a little too.

I would like to possibly meet and chat with others so we can probably learn and understand from eachother how we cope with different situations.

Steve

Hi Steve

Firstly what is DCD?

And Secondly WOW

Doesnt life just kick you in the nuts constantly.  But seriously, everything seems to happen at once and believe me there can be a light at the end of the tunnel.

have you tried asking your doctor for a referral to see a Pyschologist or Councellor.  They can even refer a cpn (psychiatric nurse) you. I had one visit regularly to my house and although they are supposed to see you for 6 weeks, she came to my house for 18months until she can refer you to someone else to help.  It always helps to share and moan to some one else who is not in the instant situation.  If you complain too much to the spouse, it can cause problems in the relationship.  I know because that was me.  I got breast cancer when i was 7 months pregnant and told I only had 6 months to live.  It was later that I suffered from depression as I was very angry at the time, and that uses up alot of energy and of course fighting for life is very distracting.

On a positive note, you have two beautiful children.  I cant have any more children as chemotherapy ruined my ovaries, I have dealt with that now - through councelling.  But boy, did I want to shout from the roof tops “ITS NOT FAIR - WHY ME - EVERYONE LISTEN TO ME”.  I did that once, but in a field away from public and it felt really good. 

But Steve please get help from therapists that are willing to help on NHS - I didnt go private - couldnt afford it and they are exactly the same people and respond really quickly.  even the Samaritans can help if you get desperate.  It just talking to some one else that makes it feel easier.  Knowing someone cares and wants to end this sadness for you in a positive way with a smile to pass on to you, so you can pass it onto your wife/girlFriend and in turn to your children.

Children are a blessing, god’s little gifts which we have loaned to us for such a short time and all too soon, they will grow up and get problems of their own and appreciate what you did for them.

Life is for living - dont forget that.  So what makes you feel good - go and do that for once.  Forgotten what makes you feel good.  Get a babysitter and take a break, even a walk, a quiet cosy coffee in a flask at the top of a big hill, walk hand in hand, have some you quality time, no working, no thinking, no worrying, just pure child free/stress free loving time with your partner.  Make love by a tree. 

To receive in this life, you must give.  Give someone a smile, it will cost you nothing but what you get in return is priceless.

Go get a massage, take up horse riding, take the kids rock climbing.

Get them into scouts, after school activities, stimulate their needs so you can have yours.

Seize the day, dont let the bastards get you down.  Its your precious life to share.

Hope this helps.

We are all listening, all caring, all here

Love Greenlady

Hi Greenlady,

Thanks for your reply….................was interesting to read.

Firstly…..DCD, its developemental co-ordination disorder.

I went to see my doctor about counselling….....I was put on an 18 week waiting list and then only given 6 weeks counselling, half way through, it dropped from 6 weeks to 5, all down to funding.

So I thought whats the point and dropped it!

I must admit, the only time I feel happy at the mom ent is when me and the wife are alone, or in bed having a cuddle.

I feel god because I am getting the attention and I feel loved, rather than stressed with the kids all the time.

Liam goes to boys brigade on a thursday and is really enjoying it, so thats a start.

He has just taken up gymnastics too so that will helkp with his co-ordination too.

I was getting counselling through the college a couple of weeks ago, but being as I have quit that now, I have lost that chance too.

I felt the need to quit college to concentrate on my health and my mental state.

Things are picking up and I am going back to see the doctor about my pills tomorrow.

On another note, I don’t know if its stress related, but I have been having alot of issues at the moment with the skin breaking on my hands and large chunks coming off, daily.

I don’t mean the odd thin layer, I mean several layers deep and sometimes right down to the point where my fingers sting or bleed.

The doctor gave me some steriod cream for that too, so I am back and forth to the doc at the moment.

I’ll keep you posted what the doc says.

Hopefully, things are going to pick up!

Steve

Dear Steve, first of all Happy Birthday.  I am sorry to read that you are struggling at the moment.  I know that children turn your world upside down and I am sure that your complications only make life more hectic with even less time for you and Claire as parents.  Maybe your son’s condition makes it hard for him to be left with a babysitter but are there any loving grandparents who could step in for a few hours every now and again to give you a chance to spend time with your wife?
I am pleased to hear that your son is starting to get involved in and enjoy some activities.  That should give him new found confidence too which could help him in himself.  After all, it must be difficult for him to live with and understand his condition as a young boy.
If I had children, I always said that I would want boys as girls seem to have attitude and hormones in teenage years far worse than boys and they start asking their parents for money much sooner and for much longer!  My friends with boys say that the earlier years are the hardest as they spend all year round climbing trees in parks and want to be outdoors in all weathers so you have to be outdoors all year round and girls are easier as you can buy them a barbie doll and sit and read the papers with a coffee!BUT in later years, they say that the boys are much less trouble and girls are sulky, hormonal, aggressive and fashion obsessives which costs money!  Not that this helps you right now but maybe it may help you not to dread the future quite so much.  Schools are normally quite good these days with support for ADHD and DHD.  I hope you feel that you are getting some support there.  Sometimes I am sure it helps to know that there is some support and respite even if it is not as much as you would like.  I hope that you have a special day for your Birthday today and do let us know how you are getting on. Helen

Hi Helen,

Thanks for replying hun,

Firstly thankyou! I had a good birthday, especially considering I kinda wanted to ruin my own birthday!
Yes we have their nan who comes down alot, we took her in to live with us back in april, after my wife’s siblings all rallied round and got her out of her violent relationship of 28 years.
She is now getting counselling and support for that, and because of them problems, it is quite hard for us to leave the kids with her for long periods of time.

My wife and I have just had a break last the 2nd weekend of oct as a birthday treat for us both.
A nice overnight break to the scottish lochs, was dirt cheap too. so we didn’t really have to worry about costs.
return coach travel, bed and breakfast, 3 course meal, evening entertainment, FREE BAR, tour of the lochs and the moffatt woolen mill, all that for £55 each, so we had a good well deserved break!

We have just been to see Liam’s specialist today and she is pleased with the progress that he has made and we dont have to see her now until the 9th dec, which is good really.

I have just been back to the doctor this week because my citalopram gave me neg side effects and was making me anxious, think I did say that in my previous post.

I have now been put on 15 mg Mirtazapine so we shall have to see how that works for me over the next few weeks.

I am actually starting to feel better in myself too over the last few days, dont know if that is anything to do with me coming off of the citalopram.
I am actually looking forward to the events planned for the future,

celebrate hogmanay in edinburgh on new years eve! thats gonna be mint!

Liam has just changed schools recently too.
His previous refused to accept there was a problem and the head treated the parents of the disabled children like shite! looking down her nose at us for one.

she even falsely reported me to social services for “beating the wife and kids” and “letting the children access pornsites on the internet” all lies, and proved to be lies too.

since then, around 30 families have come forward to file complaints, but my family were the only ones with the balls to stand up and say, “NO MORE” we pulled liam out of the school and filed a complaint against the headteacher.
because of the complaint too, I also lost my job with durham army cadet force as a uniformed adult instructor.

Rather than support me defend my parenting and prove our innocence, they turned their backs on us and asked me to leave, I had no choice and this is what started my downhill spout into my depression again.

good thing is, I am working hard to get better, I WANT TO GET BETTER!

steve

Hello Steve,

How are you feeling recently? Any changes in your feelings? I know fighting depression can take a long long time so maybe your feelings haven’t changed so much since your posting.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any experiences like your experiences of your best friend being murdered etc (actually, I should say fortunately, because it’s fortunate for me!) but I would be more than happy to read about how your feel about things and try to offer my opinions/advice, if it could be of any help to you.

I hope you are doing OK and look forward to hearing from you.

Bren