I’ve suffered from depression for 10+ years but its only just hit me how lonely I am & how its quite hard to pass the day on your own - I know it sounds obvious but how does everyone quite literally ‘pass’ the time & avoid feeling lonely??

I go walking every day, read etc but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life just ‘passing time’ - any ideas would be appreciated?

Thank you

Dear Hazel, loneliness is a terrible feeling but the fact that you are feeling lonely suggests that you want company which is good.  When we are in the depths of depression, mostly we want to be alone.  Have you thought about trying some depression groups?  The Depression Alliance, http://www.depressionalliance.org/docs/what_we_offer/self_help_groups.html, has very good representation across the country in most towns and cities with support groups that meet once a week.  You don’t have to join. You can just turn up.  If you live in a smaller village, a good place to enquire about local groups is your library or GP surgery.  Quite a few local groups for different types of depression are set up by individuals across the country with or without the support of professional guidance and are often very helpful and give you great support and often friendship.  They often arrange social events, dinners and outings etc and it’s nice to be with like minded people who understand you and you can relax and totally be yourself with.  If you can’t find that in your area, maybe you could look into setting one up yourself.  I know someone who approached her CPN about setting up a group and the CPN knew several other people who were interested in joining such a group.  The group meets every fortnight and already has 20 or so members.  If you do end up setting up your own group or you find a local group, please do let us know so that I can add it to the local support groups on the website.  I hope this helps.  Thinking of you.  Helen

Thats a great idea - I’ll get in touch with depression alliance and see if there is a local meeting! Thanks for being so friendy and supportive too!!

I thought if I could master loneliness I could conquer anything because loneliness is horrid. I joined the open university, got a dog, got a lodger and signed up to chat with somebody in America. I did a creative writing course, went swimming in the morning and did all sorts to occupy me plus cuddled a teddy in bed. None of it stopped my loneliness, it helped, yet i still felt emptiness, until I found a partner. I found I had to go out and meet people because nobody was going to knock on my door. I forgot to mention I even learnt to scuba dive !! You are going to meet the loveliest people when you go out, I found my wonderful husband after my spell of depression, because I joined groups of like minded people with the same interests as me. When i learnt to scuba dive my self esteem soared, it was amazing, what an achievement, well it was for me. The groups Helen suggested sound wonderful. You are heading in the right direction, tiny baby steps, you won’t be lonely for much longer because you are going to meet lots of friends to fill your beautiful space. You have already made 2 Xx

Ironically, despite all the tools we have today to communicate, I think that we are now lonelier than ever, cos nearly all the forms of communication that have been developed don’t actually encourage real face-to-face communication, therefore people seem to be getting more and more scared of face-to-face communication and that makes us feel lonely, so I completely understand how you feel. All I can do is offer the normal advice of trying to join clubs/groups etc., or maybe use one of these so called networking sites to find a few old friends and try to arrange proper face-to-face meetings. I know it’s hard though.

One more thing, that is often hard to do, try to keep a cheery smiley face, cos that seems to attract people. Don’t conctantly grin insanely though!! That could just end up looking wierd!!

Yes the smiley face works, a friend recently has fallen in love and her smiley face is attracting other people to look and smile at her. It is like a magic essence. People are attracted to smiling happy faces. When I met my husband I believed i would meet him and told myself he was on his way. Every day I said to myself whats the rush he is on his way and before I knew it fate brought him to me. I stopped looking I just believed so hard he would turn up so much so that he did. I know this might sound mad but it worked for me. Because I believed it so much it changed my belief system I guess and my attitude wasn’t desparate ha ha. Yes even speed dating has reduced the face to face contact suitors have to give somebody what a crazy culture we now live in. Bring back ball room dancing and courtship and romance tee hee.

Hello, how are you? The thing about believing/picturing something and it eventually happening is something I’ve been hearing a lot about recently. One of my sisters talks about it a lot, in fact she even made me watch a DVD called “The Secret”, which talked about that. I’m not saying that I 100% agree with it, but I also don’t disagree with it. I believe the mind is an amazingly powerful tool, the limits of which could be way beyond my comprehension (it wouldn’t be the first, and I’m sure nor the last thing, to beyond my comprehension!!!). Anyway, if it works for you, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You got your man, so who cares what others think!?!

Yes I have watched the secret as well. Tony robbins talks about it and said a couple at his workshop said they are going to pretend they have won the lottery and tell all their friends and believe in it so much that they played along. The first two weeks nothing happened, however eventually they did win and did become millionaires. I was really tempted to try it but was really worried I would be sectioned with having Bi polar. Perhaps there might be something to be said about bi polar, perhaps people become the secret millionaire. I have thought about it. I listened to wayne dyer about his manifesting and it does work for me on many occassions. Plus I find money on the pavement. I found 5p today it all goes in a pot like he does and then I hand it to the poor. I sometimes wonder if it is happening i am manifesting nice things and people into my life, then i wonder if is by chance. But I did have the depression from hell until I listen to Wayne Dyer and susan jeffers. I just wanted to say I am good and I hope you are too XX p.s have you watched the opus it’s what you are doing now leaving your wisdom for others to share and benefit from

Never heard of the Opus. What is it? A film? A TV Soap?

The opus is a movie - it is about your goal, your dream that you want to accomplish more than anything then you pass it on as a legacy. it’s about unlocking your own personal opus and living the life you desire. A film by Douglas Vermeeren. Have you watched what the bleep do we know, I love the bit about the japanese man who changes water crystals with thinking of love and anger. you can see it on the internet their is a web page on it. I could put it on the forum, yet I am not sure about advertising, I might upset somebody. A really intellectual film which my husband and just got to grasps with it’s written by physicists they are attempting to support with theory the teachings of the secret. Mike Dooley TUT from the universe, Dr fred alan wolf PhD, the same people who created the secret. I believe it’s all about patience. I believe it takes time so people give up believing. I believe 10 years to us is only 2 weeks to the patience of the universe. ummmm Aparently Sylvia Browne the clairvoyant said what we see as years the spirit sees as days so love ones join eachother in no time at all.

ops forgot to say sooooooooo perhaps manifesting works for the patient ones. I have manifested lots and it has happened. A friend turned to me the other day because I am a lucky person and said have you watched the secret I said yes, she smiled and said thought you had. How are you, hope the person you care for is ok Xx

“What the bleep do we know”? Is that the real title? I clearly have a lot of films to watch. I like films that make you think, but being a big thinker anyway, it’s probably not good for me to watch too many filsm like that. If I get chance though, I’ll try to watch those 2.

The imagining something and finally manifesting thing is still something (like the Secret talks about) I have yet to be convinced of. I’m not saying it’s not true, it just hasn’t happened for me yet, despite having vividly pictured several dreams and ambitions for years, things seem to have a fantastic way of messing things up, even though I have taken several steps (big steps too) to trying to make these things happen. Like you said, maybe I just need more patience. I think that is something that society as a whole needs now-a-days, cos it seems that recently everybody wants everything yesterday. The massive personal debt that everybody seems to have comes from that, instead of saving to buy something, we buy it then deal with the debt after. It shows in everything, even in our buildings. Now we build buildings in just months or weeks, whereas in the past the spent decades or more creating fantastic buildings. Sorry, I’m waffling again.

www.thebleep.co.uk you can see the japanese mans crytstals they are amazing. Yes I agree with you entirely the little people expect so much for christmas these days. My little girl watches the adverts and tells me what she would like. I let her watch the adverts so she can show me what she would like then she started asking for everything !!! I just had my heart set on a barbie doll when I was a little girl and when I got it I cried and cried i was so happy. I watched sir cliff richard on telly and the interviewer was teasing him about his now dull life. He said when you can have the most beautiful woman the fastest car, the biggest house the biggest yacht it takes away want. He said I want the want back in my life. I found when i worked in a fish and chip shop when i was younger peoples impatience lessened they wanted their food now. I believe Mac Donalds polluted the wait till it’s cooked culture and created i want it now culture. Now we eat so fast we have no time to savour the food or notice what we eat ‘junk’ and we don’t use knifes and forks. My mum used to cook proper dinners. I went to stay with a friend last week and she sat me down to a proper dinner. I never do that, i should be saying I am enough and eating proper meals and making my family eat with me. You don’t waffle on, your really really interesting and make me think, thank you for that Xx

Never really thought about the affect that restaurants like McD’s have had on the “I want it now” problem we have in society, but I’m sure it adds to it. I blame the media for a lot of things. They seem to run the country and they have so much power, but unfortunately the use it in the wrong way. They spend half their time showing us how the stars live and therefore how we should be living. As I think I may have said before, it’s funny how the countries that usually come out top in the “happy charts” are usually countries without such vast banks of information and throngs of media, so they don’t constantly get it slammed down their throat about how much Mrs X earns, or what car Mr a drives, or what we should all be buying/doing etc.

Yeah, I love swimming too, but unfortunately haven’t been for a long time. I find it more convenient to do stuff at home or go out running or cycling. I obviously need to become rich like the media says and build myself a pool in my house!

ummm yes the media are dreadful for that when i was a teenager it caused so much anorexia and self discrimination and friends not loving their bodies. I read the media may have caused the illness in Carol Carpenter they said in the paper ‘Richard and his chubby little sister’, they also added to the death of beautiful lady Di and i could go on and on and on. Gosh yes that is so true. Have you heard the NLP story of the Greek fisherman sat on his boat drinking wine and smoking a cigar in the sunshine. Business men approached him and said ‘you have so much area you can fish, you could double your fleet, fish more, you could be a millionaire’ and he said ‘yes then what would i do ?’ he said as he sat back drank wine and smoked his cigar in the sun. My favourite story :0) He had already in his mind made enough to enjoy himself. Do you know you can build a pool so cheaply in the garden now, my husband and i have been looking into it. I so want a swimming pool !!!! ha ha I so don’t want the heating bills and upkeep ha ha i best go to the leisure centre. Anyway i have been getting out more thanks to you. Thanks for that Xx I am going to walk my friends dog for her too. See what you’ve done, made me think. Could you smell burning ?

It’s good you’ve been getting out more, but don’t think too much. Thinking can be a curse! I hate it, but can’t stop it. Actions really are better (after a bit of thought though!).

Don’t think I’ll be building a pool anytime soon. Pretty sure my garden is big enough for anything more than a very small puddle!

Didn’t know that story about the Greek fisherman. It’s certainly true that we don’t need a lot to enjoy yourself, we are just made to believe that we do.

Weather is turning out nice today and looks like it might be nice for the rest of the week. Looks like we’ll get a bit of an Indian summer. Now I’ve said that, it’ll turn horrible!

Anyway, hope you are OK and enjoying your walks in this better weather (that’s if you aren’t in the North fo Scotland which is being battered by gales today!).