I have never done anything like this before, so here goes..I’m 40 soon to be 41 and feel confused about myself. I was a strong, practical and happy person until i got postnatal depression 13 years ago, i’ve since had two bouts of depression the last one was in 2004 when my relationship with my teenage daughter broke down and she had to leave home at 15years old.

I fought back reading everything i could get my hands on about mental health/illhealth, however lately i feel very low with PMT coming every couple of weeks and just a general “whats the point” feeling. I’ve had a lot of big life changes in the last year, my mother in-law died in Febuary and my partner and i moved into her house. I used to live in the country and loved it and now find myself in a council estate!

I feel all these years have been about my partner and children but feel incapable of change and feel real fear about facing things.

I had a hellish childhood, my mum never loved me and rejected me at birth often beating me as a small child and my dad was violent both towards my mum and myself. I lived in constant fear and anxiety never knowing what was going to happen next and often felt i had to look after my little brother also.

God, i know i’m rambling on but its the first time i’ve said any of these things..i want to have peace of mind, feel balanced, i often feel like i’m on the outside looking in and not who i truly want to be.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

Hi Jools

im glad youve found this site as the people on here are wonderful and im sure you will get some replies soon just like I did when I first came on here last Thursday, its been my lifeline so far and Im finding it to be a great help.

I really feel for you and what you’ve been through and you will get the help you deserve, Im depressed myself right now so not the best person to be giving advice as such but im here to listen and emphasise with others.

Hope ive been of some help, take care.
Kayfer

i want to have peace of mind, feel balanced, i often feel like i’m on the outside looking in and not who i truly want to be.

that is so what I want too, so can really relate to that - I truly hope we can both find it once and for all.

Just remember there is always Hope. Believe me, you have definitely done the right thing by coming on here.

Hope to hear from you again soon. x

You like Kayfer have been through the wars and survived your one of lifes survivors the little turtle that ran up the sand and made it in the sea. You are a strong person because you made it up the beach and find out lifes a bitch. yet she’s a bitch for a good reason and you need to live the bitch of life to find out it was all going to turn out ok. I was listening to Dale Carnegie and he reckons us humans need to get busy we need distraction to take our minds off all the heartache we have been through and take our minds off what troubles us, get busy and that doesn’t mean house work his words. Could you join a local club, salsa dancing ? or perhaps a nice sports centre or could you just find something that makes you laugh smile and be happy. When I felt the way you did I started joining night school classes then open university then went as a full time student. What really helped me was to start building self esteem. Don’t laugh i learnt to scuba dive, I thought I was the cats whiskers. I was Mrs It, hey things starting appearing in their true perspective and I started to realise my self worth. Another friend paints, another friend does pottery, another friend volunteers for the homeless. You have so much potential now to create the new you because you have the chance now to fill your life with all the exciting things YOU want to do, new challenges, new conquests, small tiny baby steps as Helen puts it Xx Time to start being selfish neal donald welsh style, you need to look after number one. You need to love you pick up that beautiful Jools put her under your wing and love her like you have all the other people in her life, love yourself like you would love one of your children, you deserved to be loved, you have served these people all your life and now it is your time time to retire be selfish . Hey life begins at 40, bummer God gives you free will and have to choose what you want to do instead of being told. Do you think the saying life begins at 40 because about 40 is the age your children would start to leave home and you start to have your life back to do what you want to do ? Go on create a beautiful dream a wish and make it happen what would you like to do next. Your husband and children would want you to be happy because when you are happy you take care of them better. look after the host so that the parasites thrive !! you need to be a little more selfish and start to find yourself again. Council estate may sound horrid however council estates contain the greatest solidarity. When I worked in a factory a girls house burnt to the ground, that council estate clubbed together to replace everything that was in that girls house. Lets hope you meet some really nice friends and you find out what the new you would love to do to make you happyXx Hope this helps Xx chloe

I started to read Marissa’s new book and it’s for people like us who need some confidence. It’s wonderful, it was such a coincidence that what she was saying in the book is what we are talking about now. So your not alone it’s a human condition and it can be fixed Xx I need to read more of the book to find out how to make you feel better Xx Chloe