Dear Lynne, lovely to hear from you.  It’s true that you must be doing something right to be here and on this forum.  If you look how far you have come this year it is amazing.  I am sure that there have been lots of ups and downs on the way. I know what you mean about Christmas and New Year.  They are times of year that put added pressure on already guilt ridden shoulders to do what is expected of us and BE HAPPY!  So much effort goes in to the planning of Christmas and New Year that one almost feels obligated to be happy and be grateful and look like you’re enjoying it. In life it often seems to be that the things that have a huge build up and huge effort to prepare for and cost a lot of money are a huge disappointment.  You’d think we’d learn wouldn’t you!  The same goes for people.  If we put them on a pedestal that’s too high, they can only disappoint.  I think that big wide low pedestals and expectations might be the way to go, then we might be pleasantly surprised!  If you feel like watching a funny film about expectations, commitments and duties of Christmas, I can recommend the film ‘Four Christmases’ that is out at the moment.  Very true and very funny and it is very important to laugh at this time of year to keep those nasty viruses at bay.  Much love, Helen

Dear Roberto,

How are you? I haven’t heard from you for a while on this site and was wondering if you were OK? How did your Xmas and New Year go? I know they can be a stressful time for lots of people, but I hope you managed to enjoy yourself. Hope things are going OK for you and hope to hear from you again soon.

Bren

Hello Everyone,

I am sorry I ahvent been around. I dont know why. I got a bit better and Christmas and all that was pretty good. Anyway in the last few weeks I learnt my ex is taking my kids overseas to live. You can only imagine how that has affceted me. Anyway I just wanted to say hello to you all because I ahvent been here. I sorta wish I knew Bren and Lynne and Helen in my real life. They are pretty lovely people and sometimes when I am down I just think of their kind words and caring for me. I know I can get through this latest thing. I just ahve to stay strong.

xx

Hello Roberto, how are you? Sorry to hear about your latest problem. I don’t have any kids myself, but I can imagine how hard that must be for you. If she really serious about doing this or do you think it is just a threat? I hope the situation resolves itself favourably soon, cos that must be horrible for any parent. I hope it isn’t getting you down too much. Like you said, it’s important to be strong. Take care of yourself.

Oh Roberto, you poor thing.  Two of my male friends went through a similar experience.  One friend’s ex wife took his daughter to Australia and the other took his children to the opposite end of the country and the effect on them was awful when they found out. 
It is so hard when you seem to be doing so well and are trying so hard to be doing well and something comes along to kick you in the teeth and pull the rug from under you.  They never seem to be little things either.  I don’t have children and therefore don’t really feel qualified to say that I can imagine how you must be feeling.  I can only imagine your pain and what you are going through from what I saw my friends go through.  If it makes any difference Roberto, both my friends manage to see their children and make darned sure that it is quality time that they spend with them.  My friend goes to see his daughter in Australia in her school holiday time for a week or two at a time and my friend whose children have moved a few hours away tries to see them once a month.  Is your ex definitely serious about this? Is it possible that she is angry or trying to hurt you with threatening you and by lashing out at you as you are an easy target for her anger?  If she is serious, will you be able to go and see them at holiday time or bring them to the UK to catch up with you and family and friends?
I don’t know if you would like to try to chat with other people on the site who may have experienced the same thing by starting a new topic about it or not?  All I can send you are my thoughts and well wishes Roberto which I know aren’t a magic wand but I really hope that you are ok.  Best wishes, Helen

Hi Roberto, i have two kids who now live 2 hours away, i know thats not like being in different countries but the change to what you are used to makes it feel like they are a million miles away! I have gone from seeing them every couple of days (my mother looked after them alot before they moved so i could pop in all the time) to seeing them only once a fortnight, not ideal but you have to make the most of a bad situation. Hang in there, speak to them as often as possible to make sure you keep up to date with schooling etc, your situation will be so different and i feel my comparison is not a good one but i can begin to imagine how you must feel. When and if it happens, KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEM, send photographs in the post, the internet is amazing and is allowing us to communicate like this but getting home from school to find a letter from Daddy will make their day! Take care friend and let me know how it goes.

Will.

I don’t want to go to work tommorrow!  I have just got back from a stock take so didn’t even see the nice day today and I am working early (5am) until late again tomorrow for another stock take.  I’m dreading Monday as I already know what I have to do and know that I can’t fit it all in without getting up again at 5am.  I am just so tired, drained, down, lethargic.  I have never admitted to being depressed before.  I’ve been much more comfortable with describing myself as fed up or not feeling great but I told a friend yesterday that I am depressed.  He said how could I be depressed with the sun shining but I don’t even see the sun or care about the nice weather.  Every day is just the same to me.  I do hope that you are all feeling better with the sun and I wish you all a nice weekend.  Kids have broken up now so I guess holidays will be busy.  I wish you all a nice Easter.  Will

Hi Roberto,
read your story, look at it in a different way - you too can make something good out of this.  You can visit your kids abroad have a holiday out of it.  Your kids will appreciate you more, kids do, you find that broken families see more of each other than when you were all living together.
Stay strong you never know whats around the corner, it could open a new door for you on your visits there.  You have email, webcam, telephone, your kids will always know you were there for them and one day they will tell you and fight things out for themselves take care jo

By the way my name is Jo, I was a successful business woman to have then being ripped off when I bought a business.  Stubborn as I am and to prove a point I turned it around and a result lead to clinical depression - I was diagnosed in Sept08.  I have been thru the worst time of my life ever.  I am now in recovery and I am applying for jobs as a funeral director/assistant, having realised there are other people out there grieving who need my help.  I am taking the bitch to court now after finding the strength to do so.  It is not about the money anymore its about me and what she put me and my family thru - she has no idea

Roberto, how are you? Any more news about your situation with your children being taken away? Will it definitely happen? Even if your wife does take them away, they’ll know it’s not you who left them and so it definitely won’t be the end. You never know, it may turn around and end up making them miss you and want to meet you more than if you were living just around the corner, or even with them. Try to stay positive.

Hello Jo, how are you? It certainly sounds like you have resolved to fight your corner, which is a good thing and I hope things go well for you. I’d like to just say one word of caution if you don’t mind, try not to get too hell bent on revenge. Fighting your corner and getting what you deserve is oen thing, but revenge is another. Good luck with it though!

Hi brencoot,
Yes I agree I did sound like I wanted revenge.  maybe I was having a bad day?  Maybe justice is all I want in this world and for a judge just to say well actually this lady should not have done this to you.
I think all I want is for her to know what she has done and admit it and how she has affected my life and everyone who is attached to me in one way or another - thanks for the reply - whats your story? If you don’t mind me asking.

Hello Jo, how are you? It would be nice if people would admit when they were wrong and then try to make up for their mistakes, or at least say sorry, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately, it rarely seems to happen. I hope you get a satisfactory result out of your situation though. To be honest, I myself don’t have much of a story I guess, but 2 of my family have had depression and a couple of my friends too recently, so I became interested in it through them. Actually, I don’t know if interested is the right word, but I wanted to know more about it and help if/where I can. Well, hope you are OK and have a nice weekend (I know it’s not here yet, but it’s close enough!

About 10 years I felt the same way. I stayed in bed all day long and at night time I would drive to the beach because I could not sleep. I beat myself up every day with negative beliefs about myself and a self loathing. When i read your post it reminds me of that dreadful time in my life. Then one day I woke up and decided I am going to start to pat myself on the back. If I manage to do one thing today I am going to give myself praise. I managed the washing up. I said to myself well done you did the washing up. I did this day after day looking for the one good thing i did and i focused on that. Then when i managed to do the washing up and the washing I told myself I was wonderful. Slowly I realised I could crawl my way out into the daylight praising myself for what I had achieved. I did it. Then I decided I am going to quit my job which was making me feel really blue. I went to university lived on a student grant and quit the day job the mercedes and the house. Friends family said I was mad, my mother would not speak to me. I travelled around on a bike mixed with people half my age and had the best 3 years of my life. I met lots of other depressed young people at uni and we all supported eachother. I watched a film once where there is a type of tree that roots can’t hold its own weight. The trees grow together and the roots entwine. The trees support eachother. Just like this beautiful website we can all hold eachother up and gain social support. Stay with us mate hang in there your not alone :0) I can see the wood for the trees now and you can to. You are going to get better. Just do it one day at a time baby steps. You can do it hang in there.

Chloe, what’s the name of that film? Sounds like it might be worth a watch. I really feel that we need to support each other and I feel that that is half of the problem now-a-days cos the feeling of the community spirit has just died away in favour of thinking about yourself. I always say this kind of thing, but when we have a hard time, like we get a lot of snow or something, and people have to help each other dig themselves out, it gives people a sense of belonging more and makes people feel better, but then when the snow disappears, we go back to living our convenient lives by ourselves, but it doesn’t suit us cos we are pack animals after-all. Well, I hope you have a nice weekend.