Hello,
Ive been depressed for about a year now and have told my GP and she has manged to get me an assment for concelling, but she has warned me thats its going to be a long wait.
Alot has happened to me and I had a break down last christmas while living in scotland with my boyfriend (now my finace) and his mum. Im now back home and did find a job to come back to but they didnt understand my depression and it got worse which is when i went to the doctors and quit the job.
Im now thinking of getting back to work for finacal reasons but im really scared of going back to work as im not sure if I would be good enough. Im going to try part time for a while first before i take on a full time role.
My mum keeps going on at me that I need a job and I keep saying im doing everything I can and I know I need one. I get so cross and upset with her at times as she doesnt listen to me and says she understands when she doesnt.
Im so confused about what to do now and even if I can cope.

Hello Jo, the fact that you use the word ‘want’ rather than ‘have to’ or ‘should’ in relation to going back to work, especially when you say in the same breath that it’s for financial reasons, sounds like you have the right attitude to get back to work and because of that I suspect that you might find it much easier than you think.  I’m not an NLP expert but from what I do know, such positive words will be inviting that job to you right now so don’t be surprised if it happens sooner than you expect. 
It is also reassuring to hear you being realistic about getting back to work gradually by starting part time.  My friend joined a temping agency for that reason.  She enjoyed one of the temping jobs so much and was such a pleasure to have in the office that the company didn’t want to let her go at the end of the two weeks and offered her a permanent job.  She’s still there 2 years later! 
My father always used to say to me ‘You never know what’s round the corner!’  When I was very ill with depression I didn’t want to know what was round the next corner as I was just about coping with where I already was.  Even though it wasn’t good where I was, I knew what I was up against.  It was my comfort zone.  Sometimes (in fact very often) we find stepping outside that comfort zone is the best thing we ever did.  It just takes a leap of faith to make it in the first place.  I wish you all the very best of luck.  Not that you sound like you need it as you sound like a sensible, logical and very capable person but a bit of extra luck never hurt anyone.  Do let us know how it’s going.  Ooh and CONGRATULATONS on your engagement.  Helen

Hello Jo. I have been in some jobs and the people I have worked with were dreadful. I really did think it was me, years later my husband met these same people at a wedding, (one of the girls that worked with me stayed in touch and invited me to her wedding) My husband said ‘God they are bloody dreadful bullies’ he was watching them being rotten and intinmidating one of the other girls that worked with them. I discovered to my delight it wasn’t me it was that I didn’t have anything in common with them. I have worked in other places since and been so happy that I am still friends with most of the people I worked with years later and invited them to my wedding. I guess for me it’s knocking different doors and exploring. Like the mother said in Forest Gump life is a box of chocolates forest you never know which one you are getting. Mind you there is always somebody who likes the marzipam or ginger or toffee or turkish delight ummmm my favourites Xx For me what Helen’s dad said is so true, and Dusty springfield sings such a beautiful song about just around the corner. I have met the loveliest people at work and there again I have met the nastiest bullies. I know I needed to get out there and find those special people in my life the ones that make me laugh smile and I have made some beautiful friends. Sadly I knew they weren’t going to come and ring my doorbell so I went out and faced the world. I met my wonderful husband and now have a beautiful daughter, and I also have wonderful friends who support me. Fate brought them along at the right moment they appearred and if they don’t I know it’s time to move on because there was nothing keeping me there. Something good was waiting just around the corner XXx good luck Xx love the try it and see idea, because thats what life been all about for me. If I liked it I stay and if I don’t ‘next’ .What a really clever way of solving your dilemma XXXXXX I love it , the idea of going part time Xx I just know there are some really nice good kind decent people out there that are going to make you love going to work because there have been out there for me.

Hi again,
Thanks for all your encougment but i now have other problems.
Ive joined a agency and have been doing some supply work but im not enjoying it because of that its like they call I go and I tend to panic about if im going or not and think its because im out of a routine ive tried to get into one but still struggling.
I want to quit it but my fiance wants me to cary on and think its good for me but i dont think so as im considently getting upset about it and things at home are tense with me and my mum again.
Ive decied to go to the doctors and get some medication but im not sure if its right to quit the agency or not.
Please help me

Jo Xx I have done supply work while I was at university and it is unsettling. It got to the point whereby i didn’t want to pick up the phone because I knew I would be called in and it was a horrid experience not having a routine for me. At least in an Accident and Emergency the staff are at the hospital and at the fire station they are not called from home. I wonder if doctors on call get the same unsettling experiences. My husband is called out in the middle of the night yet it is his business and therefore he has great passion and drive to get up and get moving. When I have been unsettled with my job I did find another job to go to, I generally move on, thats in my nature, other people work through things and stick them out. My mother always said I had to find clean dish water before I could throw out the dirty. So I made sure I had another job to go to. It wasn’t easy for me to be on call when I had a full time job and that was another reason for me to leave and work for myself. Jo there is no harm looking for another job Xx or another agency. It really meant alot to me to be happy at work I really need drive and determination to give me motivation, sometimes the money wasn’t enough to keep me motivated. It wasn’t about how much I was paid it was about how happy I was. I have heard top executive bosses leave to become milkman, postman,on less pay and really happy and content. I have also heard people become tramps rather than work for people who make them unhappy. Your not alone, being in the wrong job can be really distressing. I follow my gut feeling, if I feel really sad I swallow one idea and ask my gut. I read this about a japanese billionaire who asks his gut the question,now my gut feelings show me the way. What I do is say ‘shall I stay in this job and then I eat the question, I chew it and then swallow it, Then I wait for what my tummy feels like. Then I say shall I leave, then I eat the words in my mouth chew them swallow them and see how my tummy feels. If my tummy feels all anxious when I think about leaving, I stay and when my tummy feels calm when I suggest leaving I leave. When I worry about things I put a hot water bottle on my tummy to help me rest, it stops the anxiety in my tummy. Give yourself the love and respect you deserve you are ENOUGH and being proud and standing by decisions you make is part of being assertive and confident and it shows inner strength and others have learnt to respect me when I have decided to change direction or focus. When I had a mid life crisis and packed up my job my house my mercedes to go to university my mother would not speak to me. I just knew I needed to go, I followed my heart. Then my mother was really really proud of me, when I graduated she put my photo on her mantlepiece, yet she hit the roof when I initially made my decision, she called me stupid mad, now I couldn’t be in a better place, family friends, I am blessed. You must decide from your gut from your passion from your instincts XXX you might need to make sure you have another job to replace what you have to save anxiety and anguish and worry. There is no harm in asking about a different career move. Good luck XXXHUGS XXXXXX A change is sometimes as good as a rest, sometimes its a calling to move, sometimes it makes one realise how much they want to stay, the gut feelings tell all, they tell me Xx

Jo Xx I hope you are feeling better today Xx I hope my ramblings have helped you some how My daughter has this little book called a squosh and a squeeze and this little old woman is fed up with her small little house, then a wise man suggests she moves in a goat then a chicken then a cow and her house but a squosh and a squeeze anyway at the end of the story the wise man asks her to cast all the animals out. She is so relieved to have her house back she no longer feels it is a squosh and a squeeze. ok ok that mad old woman is me, teee heee no only kidding Xx Today I would love you to think of all the most dreadful jobs you have had until your gut can’t take anymore then I would like you to reflect on all the wonderful points about the job you are in now. This helps me Xx when I get fed up I begin telling myself how lucky I am because I can take my life for granted some days, then I think of the dreadful places I have been in the past and then I begin to be able to manage my day with a smile. I know it’s a bit old cliche to think this way yet it works for me XXx just a little managing tip until you decide what is best for you XXHUG HUG HUG XXX it might help soothe the anxiety tie your emotions over until you find a solution Xxx watching comedy helps me too, I watched one foot in the grave last night and laughed until my sides split plus I went swimming and that helps me feel great too Xx remember Mind - comedy, good to laugh E- exercise N- Nutrition nice healthy food and drink and D- do it or I say dance Xx they spell MEND I hope you feel better soon Xx plus my husband would say relax the mind, he meditates or watches comedy or has a nice warm bath and bath your mind in all the happy monents in your life bath your mind in happy thoughts Xx hope this helps Xx plus my husband drinks water to hydrate his mind Xx

Mike Dooley sent this today in his newsletter, a bit deep yet I think!!! I get his point, would this help you feel betterXx
Should you choose to go, do, and be, at the end of your life, shocked and dismayed, you’ll likely exclaim that because of all the uncanny events, wild timing, weird coincidences, and sheer chance encounters, all of your life’s good fortune must have been your destiny.
Or, should you choose to wait, wish, and hope, at the end of your life, shocked and dismayed, you’ll likely exclaim that because of all the uncanny events, wild timing, weird coincidences, and sheer chance encounters, all of your life’s bad luck must have been your destiny. Mike asks you - do you see what the difference is?

Whatever is happening in my life I know that it is for the greater good Xx when I trust in this belief I know I can not worry.
My husband says worry tomorrow Xx so I say put off worry till tomorrow and just do it today Xx what ever the it is you desire Xx

Ive booked a doctors appoitment to see about getting medication to see if this helps as i keep loosing my temper with my sister and saying things i dont mean to my family which are hurtfall. I had my mum in tears sunday morning because i had been taking things out on her all week which i know isnt fair to her and that before I moved to scotland i had been taking things out on her.

My family has had a really bad time these last few years as my dad had a motorbike accident which has left him with a fused ankle and is only now gone back to full time work. Also when he did get out of hospital my parents came down with that bad flu that was going around. My sister still blames me for not being there at the time as she has never been could at looking after someone who is not well so it had always been my job but then when this all happened I wasnt there and having my own troubles in scotland as well as worrying about my Dad.

Its hard at the moment with me and my fiance living with my parents and my younger sister and it would be better if we could afford our own place but then again he would be the one i would take things out on. Which is why i need to get some kind of work oon so I can rent out a flat.

Thanks for all your advice guys i really apperciate it and i think after seeing what the doctor says ill make my choice which i still think will be to leave it behind and look for a more perment job, im also going to try taking a differnt carrer path as thought I love to work with the children I think expincing something new will be a help and open my eyes to other optians as ive always had my heart and worked towards one thing but with it feeling like things are crashing maybe looking at somthing new would be good.

I rember reading that story called a squashe and squesse to the children within the nusery and your right it does make you think about things and rember how lucky you really are. Sometimes children books really helpfull and not just to children.

ah Xx you sound much better Xx I am glad you are going to the doctor XXHUGXX Yes making decisions can be really troubling for me, yet I had to move to flourish Xx I bite my husbands head off and shout at my daughter I have found that if i give them a really heart felt sorry and an good excuse I have found it makes our relationships stronger and there is MORE love and understanding, because then I appreciate how loving and forgiving they are, it shows me how lucky I am to have these people in my life. It’s our imperections that give us character respect wisdom and strength. Sir Cliff Richard once said he became monk like character to bring back Hope into his life, he was so wealthy he could afford whatever his heart desires and therefore he had no desire. Follow your heart Jo Xx it’s your inner guidance system your inner GPS and it has never failed me. I love childrens books, they all have happy endings Xxx this is your story Jo Xxx your writing the next chapter and you are going to look back and smile at your success laugh at your mistakes and flourish into a beautiful wife, mother, home maker give it time experience and you’ll feel so proud of your achievements because it wasn’t handed to you on a plate. Life is giving you the ingredients and you are baking the cake, hey you need a little practice to make the perfect one, and you need to get your fingers burnt every now and again to get them out of the oven XXX LOVE YOU XXHUG YOU XXX good luck with the doctor and remember what Marissa says you are enough Xx The doctors are there to give you help advice and support and they pride themselves on looking after YOU Xx Have you had a happy thought bath yet that is really scrumpy works for me and makes me smile Xxx fill your heads with all the magic moments in your life and drew on your success pat yourself on your back, not beat yourself up Xxx hey your a wonderful person XX you would make the perfect nursery nurse Xx I am so happy to hear from you XXTHANK YOUXX made my day brighter Xx

Good luck in your exams richy rich Xx

Please would you post a reply on the pressure of christmas shopping Xx we might help people who have the same worries Xx Chloe

Hello Jo, how are you?  Did you go back to the doctors?  How is the waiting list going for your counselling?  It does sound like you are doing an amazing job of helping yourself and are very aware of what you would like in your life.  The nursery nurse sounds like a wonderfully refreshing idea.  I often think that if a child cannot make you smile, nothing can.  Their innocence is wonderful.  My nephew brings a lot of happiness to our family.  Being surrounded with that all day would be wonderful.  It would probably also be exhausting but in a good way (mostlly!).
You sound very concerned about hurting and upsetting your family.  We always seem to hurt those whom we love the most don’t we?  Not that that’s much consolation for them at the time but it does show how much we love them to feel comfortable enough to express ourselves with them.  I guess if we say sorry when we feel able and try not to do it too often, we can redeem ourselves.  The technical term for that is ‘Depression Fallout’.  My husband calls it ‘The Ripple Effect’.  Whilst the depressed person feels the full extent of the explosion at the epicentre of the explosion, everyone who comes into contact with them is affected by the explosion.  It’s the unfortunate nature of depression.  The fact that you’re aware of it and of the solution means that you are focusing on how to make it better and making it happen so hang on in there and carry on doing what you are doing and planning.
It sounds like there is a lot of change in your family at the moment with your father going back to work and you looking for work and deciding what you want to do.  While these changes are for the long-term good, change can be quite unsettling and tempers are probably frayed.  Hang on in there Jo.  You’re on your way and are sure to start seeing the results soon.  Thinking of you.  Best wishes, Helen

The guardian tuesday 5 Jan 2010 - Mindfulnesss Three minute exercise

mindfulness is described as a way of paying attention to feelings ans emotions so that they can be managed. It involves meditation , yoga and breathing techniques.

’ three minute breathing space’
1. ask yourself what is my experience right now ? and notice any body sensation, thoughts or feelings you are having without judging them.
2. place your attention on your breathing following the in-and-out breath as it naturally occurs.
3. Expand your awareness to the whole of your body continuing to notice any thoughts feelings or physical sensations that occur without judgemant.

Hope this helps :0) xx

Hi all,
Just to let you know that things are starting to look up though I still have my many worries.
Me and my Fiance are now renting a flat which is great as its really nice to have our own space and independence though the Bills will always be a worry.
Also I will be returning to my old job though I will be working in the 2-3 years not the toddlers that i so dearly loved. I’m still concerned about being ready to jump back in and my manger is giving me a months trail to see how i get on and she already has plans for me for my career future as she was my deputy before so she knows how I work and the best way to get me though.
I have been getting on better with my Mum since moving out even though shes trying to tell me how to run the house. I hardly see my Sister as shes in and out working and with her mates.
My boyfriend seems so much happier too so this move was a good one and lots of our family has helped us out which was nice of them.
Unfortunately my Dad will need to go back in hospital for another operation to remove his little toe which is upsetting, other then that things are looking up as long as I settle back into my job.
I might not be able to reply very quickly as I’ve still to set up the Internet and currently using mums computer or the library ones.
Thanks guys for all your help its helped me so much and makes me feel more comfortable with who I am.

Hey - that’s good. Welcome to our world. You sound like you are working through things - one step at a time. It’s good that your old boss knows you and perhaps your anxieties ? Hope she’s nice and understands. Sounds a lot going on in your world at the moment. Your mum probably means well - I have monthly health and safety inspections from mine at my flat and I am 43 !!! She rings me every night - annoying but I sometimes put the phone on speaker phone and go and do the washing up !!! She is probably just concerned about you. Really hope everything works out - keep in touch with us. We care about our friends. Jx

Dear Jo, how wonderful to hear from you.  Goodness you have come a long way since October.  I do hope that you’ve acknowledged that and patted yourself on the back!  If not, please allow me!  It’s fabulous that you’ll be going back to your old job with children which is what you were talking about.  I admire you for pursuing what you wanted.  You’re amazing.  Your boss appears to have enough confidence for the two of you if your confidence is not too high right now.  You’re obviously very good at your job.  Once you get back in there I feel sure that you’ll be back in the swing of it before you know where you are.  You’ll probably soon feel like you’ve never been away.  I as well as everyone else has every confidence in you.  Very shortly you will too.  Baby steps soon become bigger ones and you have taken the first one.
Make sure you keep reading those children’s stories with happy endings and visualising your happy ending.
I think as sensitive individuals we will always worry.  I know they say that worry is pontless but we can’t help it.
I am sorry about your dad.  Is this operation related to his motorbike accident?  My friend’s dad ran over his daughter’s big toe (well she kind of fell under the lawn mower) and she had to have it amputated.  She has adapted very well.  It must be a terrible thought but your dad will pull through and he has all of you to help him and look after him.
I am thinking of you Jo and sending you lots of good wishes.  I’m very excited for you.  Helen