Hi all,
Just bit of an update. Been feeling a bit down again as I feel that nothing I do at work is right and all I get is negative feed back i think on my next meeting im going to say something but im so scared encase they turn around and sack me for it. My room leader is trying hard to help me but I still feel like im getting no were with it even though I love my job and am trying very hard.
I love having my own place with my boyfriend and cant afford to loose the job as i need to money to keep the place, I wonder if I need to look at other job options but then its trying to find something I will enjoy as much as I like child care.

My Dad has got to go in hospital at the end of out holiday for another opp to remove his little toe which im slightly worried about as I don’t want to be worried during my holiday.

Also my Mum is thinking about coming into my workplace as the cook which is another thing to think about as i don’t want either of us to get in each others way but then again I don’t know how long I will last there.

I hope that things will start looking better soon so I can finally look towards the future and my big day.

Hi Jo - Blimey that’s a lot to get your head round ! Would only say that at the height of my depression I was sooo bolshie and outspoken at work - I really didn’t care ! I don’t know where you work or the set up there but I would say that if you feel you have been treated unfairly you should say so but calmly and positively so that you come out of it on top and tell them how much you do that perhaps they don’t appreciate.. Don’t do what I did which was to throw a strop that Kevin the teenager would have been proud of ! At the end of the day it’s just a job - it pays the bills. Your mum joining the workforce is a different matter - one for you and her to resolve I fear..  Good Luck - hope it all works out for you.

Jx

Hello Jo Xx your amazing absolutely amazing Xx hugXx I found the biggest challenges in my life have given me the greatest rewards. I look back and think WOW that was me I sooooooo want at time to take the easy root yet nar not me ....why make life boring for myself…challenges show me what I am made of squeeze the last little bit out of my toothpaste tube or the last bit out of a teabag (jamie help me with a metaphor please) You have achieved soooooo much in a short space of time ..you got back on the horse your an achiever and you are doing it now ...you are bringing success bringing it on…Richard Branston Churchill nobody had it easy at first and guess what when it go easy they got bored ha ha…Xx Jo your amazing your strong tenacious and true to yourself. In my life when I have been filled with dread about something it worked out wonderful and then when I have been sooooooo sure about friends about life it has let me down..who knows all lessons all learning curves all challenges to ease the boredom. The adventure is out there and your a star your part of the doing it and that counts for so much. Your a doer not a gunner do it person. Your going somewhere not sitting on the fence xxhugXx troubles ease boredom and in my experiences can make me realise just how much I take for granted and how much I love and care for people Xx

I received Mike Dooleys TUT today and it goes -

One of life’s great ironies, is that very often the “stuff” you’re trying to avoid right now is the same “stuff” you’re going to miss most once you move on.

Ha, ha… Oh, my -
  The Universe

All my love Xx Chloe Xx

Big yellow Taxi

[Adam Duritz]
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin’ hot spot
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

[Vanessa Carlton]
Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

[Adam]
They took all the trees, and put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
No, no, no
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone
They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot

[Vanessa]
Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

[Adam]
Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
I don’t care about spots on my apples,
Leave me the birds and the bees
Please
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now, they paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?

[Vanessa]
Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

[Adam]
Listen, late last night, I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi took my girl away
Now don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Well, don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone
They paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey hey hey
Paved paradise and put up a parking lot

[Vanessa]
Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

[Adam, Vanessa]
I don’t wanna give it
Why you wanna give it
Why you wanna giving it all away
Hey, hey, hey
x2
Now you wanna give it
I should wanna give it
Now you wanna giving it all away

Hey, paved paradise to put up a parking lot

[Vanessa]
Why you wan it?
x2
da da dada da da da da da

Hi all,
Sorry its me again, unfortunetly things have taken a bad turn again as ive lost my job cause of mistakes and also cause the fact i admitted to them i had depression, So once again im looking for work.
This happened just before my birthday and my holiday. I manged to have a great time during my holiday but on the last few days is when it hit home about got no job going to be tight on the money as got bills to try and pay. Within these days I have started to scratch my hands and scalp again so much so that ive made my hands bleed, I also haven slept well.

I thought things were looking up before but now with all this I just have hit the bottom again and even am considering a change of careers even though Ive worked so hard to do child care but I dont know what I want to do and what i can even achieve.

I know this properly sounds stupid but Ive been thinking of trying for a child even before all this happened but now with the finance problems I don’t think I can cope with it and it wont be healthy for myself nor the the child.

Jo Xx your amazing your beautiful and people without depression lose their jobs. There is something better around the corner. I lost jobs when I was younger I failed exams ....I now have a degree and work from home. My life improved from my mistakes, mistakes create knowledge they made me evolve improve move on.Its a Mad life we live in whereby we are not allowed to make mistakes…the only people who don’t make mistakes don’t do anything !!! XXhuGXx Please pat yourself on the back, not beat yourself up, please praise beautiful Jo for giving it the courage to have a go. Do you know if you get sacked for being depressed those people don’t deserve a strong courageous wonderful you.YOU are so strong you got out there and worked hard you gave it a go, instead of hiding away, you get out of bed in the morning, you get up and you go to work and you get on with it and that takes sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much strength. You can move mountains girl and you can beat the black dog he wont win because your history is about beating him and winning. Your journey is that about learning, this is evolving and creating your history, your experiences and your history always been success I know you’ll pull through I know you’ll find a new wow better job and you’ll have your child because do you know what ....I believe in you XXx Chloe

Hello Jo, while it must be hard for you at the moment, I do believe that things happen for a reason.  It may take a while for us to find out why but as Chloe says, something better is around the corner.  Isn’t she wise?  She feels that her mistakes create knowledge and make and have made her evolve, improve and move on.  I am sure she is right and I hope that you feel that very soon too.  We all make mistakes. Jo. People who say they don’t are either lying or they don’t do anything to be able to make any!
I now laugh at my mistakes.  After all, why should everyone else get the pleasure of laughing at me and not me when I’m the one causing the entertainment?  I deserve the laugh too. 
Chloe’s right, I feel that if I’m making mistakes at least I’m doing something.  Often people are so afraid of making mistakes that they don’t even try.  That must be much worse.  That can leave a feeling of regret.  It’s often too late to do anything about regret but we can all make a few more mistakes by trying again.  With those mistakes come successes, highs, excitement and passion too.  I’d far rather take a few hits along the way to experience and enjoy those feelings. 
You are so hard on yourself Jo.  Be kind to yourself like you are to your partner and your family and friends.  You might respond better than to your inner critic!  No one else is berating you.  Maybe that job wasn’t right for you and you subconsciously made mistakes as you were too scared to resign.  Our minds have a funny way of getting us to where we want to be. 
Happy belated Birthday by the way.  I’m glad you’ve been on holiday and that you enjoyed it.  I am sorry that your last few days were blighted with worry about your situation.  Maybe take this time to decide what you reallly want and then go for it.  If you like childcare try another employer.  If you have another path you want to follow try following it.  It’s funny what doors open when you set off down a path in life. 
When I was stressed and depressed I used to scratch my head until it bled too.  Try to take some time to breathe deeply, relax and think nice thoughts, even drift off to nice places every now and then.  Calm your mind and body.  Have you considered yoga?  There are lots of classes for all levels at community leisure centres and often in community halls.  I find it very relaxing.  The relaxation afterwards is worth going for if nothing else.  And most of all Jo, take care of yourself.  Thinking of you.  Helen

just believe on yourself that`s it