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Your Questions About Depression Answered
Question
I am new to this siteHello i have only joined today so i dont know if i am writing in the correct place. I have been looking at this website for a few weeks whilst trying to accept that i have some form of depression . I have been to the doctors and i am on anti depressants (i live in
Spain so they are lexatin 1.5mg) but i think i have suffered in silence for too long and now i have admitted there is a problem i am suffering and am finding it hard to accept. Everyone says it will get better and reading this website certainly sounds that way but you want it to be today dont you. My mornings are the worse it is more an anxious feeling which makes me end up gagging in the toilet (i am not sick), which then takes away any hunger etc for the morning . In the afternoon not always but in general i begin to lift a little and can go out for a while and then get the feeling its going and make great plans fot the next day only to wake up feeling the same as the morning before. I have an eight year old son and i think he is the reason why i hid it before, really i have spent all winter feeling anxious and nervous about everything. i just want some reassurance that this is a normal process and if maybe i need stronger tablets or are they an average dose and seeing as most of my afternoons are improving will the mornings begin too. It is such a dissappointment when you wake up with this feeling. I live in Ibiza and would love to be planning to go to the beach today instead i am struggling to even motivate myself to put the washing out. I just wanted to make contact and hopefully people on this site will make me understand what is happening. Sorry for waffling and thankyou
Answer
Hi Jo
Thank you for getting in touch and no need to apologise, you are not waffling!! I’m sorry you are feeling depressed and suffering from anxiety but well done for taking two massive steps on the road to recovery. First of all for going to see your doctor and secondly for reaching out to a community on here. If you have been reading through our forums you will see the amazing amount of support that people offer each other and sometimes just knowing there is someone out there who understands how you are feeling and won’t judge you for whatever you may share is valuable for your recovery. As Helen has said, actually admitting that there is something wrong and asking for help is a massive step forwards to recovery.
A few tips for some strategies that may help you. Please do remember baby steps, as much as we all wish for a magic wand to make it all better immediately….take tiny steps each day is the way forward. You have said that you have started to feel better in the afternoons…...but not yet in the mornings - but instead of what is not feeling better, focus on what is feeling better. It is usual for people to feel worse in the morning….....as perhaps its the daunting day ahead…....but it may just be worth looking at your diet…....could it be that after some food at lunchtime, you start to feel better, and maybe you could add that meal / food earlier in the day.
Also change your routine in the morning - it doesn’t matter too much what you do - but just make sure you do something different, because your mind would have started to connect those activites with feeling bad or anxious. Even if its tiny changes…....like for example, if you said hanging the washing in the morning is a chore - then maybe do your washing in the evening and hang it out overnight ready for the morning sun.
What could you add into your day as a little treat for you - whether that be a lovely cup of tea as Helen has suggested, or a 10 minute flick through a magazine…....??
I am a great fan for movement and activity - so is there a way that your son and you could go out for a walk early in the morning before you start your routine - and perhaps promise yourself a treat when you get back? I know you said you feel very anxious in the morning….....but walking briskly and thus breathing deeply, will help to ease the anxiety…....plus being outside in nature is often an uplifiting activity - even if you don’t feel like it when you go…..
Or maybe an early morning bike ride with your son…...
Or taking just 10 minutes to practise some yoga for you….......especially if you live near the beach in Ibiza and could do some sun salutations on the beach…......I am a yoga teacher too - so if you would like some more details let me know. But simply, any pose or movement that causes us to open through our heart centre can help to alleviate the symptoms of depression….....so just standing and looking up towards the sky and opening your arms wide - 10 simple breaths like this - inhale as you sweep your hands up towards the sky, exhale as you open your arms backwards - feel that release through your chest…....
Also, it may be worth going back to your doctor and asking about some one to one therapy and / or if there is a support group nearby where you would have contact with others who are going through similar. When we feel depressed, we often alienate ourselves by staying away from people, and thus end up feeling more low…......but at these times, just to know there is someone out there you can meet for a coffee or chat on the phone can really help to recognise that there are others who will understand.
I hope this helps and if you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact us.
Welcome to the friendly family on the forums of Depression can be fun.
Allison
xx
Allison Kelsey
Therapist, coach and trainer
‘Release the past, create the future you want’
Question
The blues and going seriously into the red.I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for many years after reading the article on hormones and depression I am now wondering if this applies to me I certainly fit the criteria and I am now 50.
Anyway have new psychiatrist who thinks I might be suffering from bipolar.
In the past few years I have seriously overspent
in an effort to cheer myself up. Things have now come to a head. I have contacted CCCS the consumer credit service which is a reputable charity. Anyway it seems that now my only option
is to go bankrupt. Obviously I am very anxious about this. Do you think that I will be treated better ie; more kindly if people know that
I suffer from a serious mental health condition or do people won’t care? Are there any legal remedies for people like me?
Kind regards
Artytart
Answer
Hi
First of all thank you for your question and I am pleased that the article on hormones and depression has been useful to you.
Now I am afraid I am not an expert on how mental illness or for that matter physical illness is taken into account with things such as debt and bankruptcy, but we are trying to find out more for you and will come back to you as soon as we have. Unfortunately, I fear that it will make little difference, however, on a positive note - bankruptcy no longer has the stigma attached to it that it used to, and due to the recession, availability of easy credit, mental illness, the Western disease of loneliness and depression which we may try to anaesthetize by spending has seen a considerable rise in bankruptcies across people from all walks of life.
I was very close to being there myself last year, and so I do have some idea of what it feels like. Another way of looking at it, is it will give you an opportunity to wipe the slate clean, and to start again…..do you think that view could help you to come to terms with it in your own mind. If you are seeing a new psychiatrist and he or she is looking at different options for you, this could be a whole new start for you, and by declaring bamkrupt, I believe you can put behind you the debt, allowing you to start again.
You have an opportunity to work with your psychiatrist to create a new way of being from now on….....
With best wishes
Allison
x
Allison Kelsey
Therapist, coach and trainer
‘Release the past, create the future you want’
Question
ADHDHi. After over 20 years of having depression and anxiety episodes and long gaps in employment,2 failed marriages etc.
A very disruptive manner at school from the age of about 5 that i can remember,carrying on till i left.
I think i have discovered the root of my problem,which professionals have failed to spot.
All i need is correct diagnosis,and the tools to help me to find the correctly qualified ADHD specialist,who actually understands what it is and can understand how it has hampered my life because i was put down to being a naughty child in my school years. It was too long ago to have been recognised as ADHD. I would mainly like to know if my school records will still be available now that im 44,to help prove my sysptoms and charachteristics. I live in the Grays area of essex if that helps tp put me in touch with someone who knows what they are talking about. Thanks. Cliff
Answer
Hi Cliff, Thank you for your question and I apologise for the delay in responding to you - I have had a slight technical issue to deal with!
Well done you for the self diagnosis of the ADHD - and from what you have said in your email, it does sound like this could certainly be at the root of your issues, though of course, it may not, and there could be other things.
A few things to consider, if it is ADHD - and you can get a diagnosis from a professional, what will that mean for you? Will it give you some peace, that you have a diagnosis that you can hang your hat on, and give you the understanding of why things have been the way they have? I ask this question, because sometimes when I work with clients, there can be the urge to find the cause, the root, and then when they have the diagnosis….....after a short lived “euphoria”, there is the…........well now what?
So assuming this diagnosis is correct…...there are many great resources. A great website which you may already have come across is: http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm. This great website explains about the symptoms, but also more useful how to “cope” with it. It gives great suggestions on self help and how you can manage and alleviate the symptoms as well as drug therapy that may be offered.
I do understand that adult ADHD is very difficult to diagnose, and unfortunately, there is not a test that can be done to check the brain chemicals and say categorically YES or NO you do / dont have this condition. What a qualified professional can do, is carry ask a series of questions say that from the answers it appears that is indeed what you have been suffering with and from your email, I am assuming you have already done a similar exercise for yourself.
Suppose you do have ADHD, whilst it could have been at the root of what you suffered at school and your relationship / career history, now that you know, you have 2 choices what to do with the information:
1) You use it as an excuse why you can’t do certain things…..........or
2) You realise this may make you different but you can channel this energy into a creative, successful, empowering energy.
Which would you choose?
Now if you do have ADHD, it is likely that you will find a mundane, repetitive office job, or one that requires prolonged attention on one thing, really challenging….......so lets wonder how you can channel that energy into something productive that suits your personality.
Did you know that Richard Branson was diagnosed with ADHD - and he used that energy to create the Virgin empire.
Did you know that virtually all the great geniuses, entrepreneurs, artists, and innovators have displayed the symptoms of ADHD? This includes successful inventors, rock stars, salespeople and athletes.
Hopefully some positive thoughts here….....
I have tried to find out Cliff, how long our school records are kept….....but so far I have been unable to find out. I will continue to research and let you know when I find out - but in the meantime, you may also want to consider if this is necessary? Do you siblings, parents who can remember what your behaviour was like as a small child? I am a similar age to you Cliff, and as you say, it was not really recognised when we were at school - and there is some evidence to say that nowadays too many children are diagnosed with ADHD when in fact they are a normally active little boy who finds Enhloish boring and is desperate to move as he has only one PE lesson per week and spends the rest of the time at school or watching TV / on computer games. I know for a fact if that was me - I would be fidgeting too and desperate to move!
I have found out that there is a specialistin Adult ADHD in the NHS at Brentwood which is not too far from Grays. Dr Puran Chand Madan. You should be able to ask your GP for a referral. (You may also want to enquire about Dr Sita Jayakumar who sees NHS patients in Grays but I think it may only be childhood ADHD.
I hope this is useful and you can take it further and start to embrace that lovely energy!
Best Wishes
Allison Kelsey
Therapist, Coach, Trainer
Question
Should I tell my boss I am depressed?I’ve had 2 or 3 short periods off work due to anxiety and depression over the last couple of years and I feel that the time has come to discuss my problem with my employer before I end up losing my job.
I am worried about doing this as the “depression” word has never been mentioned as I’ve asked my doctor not to put it on any note I’ve had.
I have made very good progress in dealing with my problem but I lapse from time to time and get so anxious that I feel I need the time away from work to “sort myself out” hence I think it’s time to discuss this with my employer.
I don’t know how to go about doing this as I’m worried about the reaction I’ll get. Can you offer me any advice? Am I doing the right thing? I don’t want to make things worse.
Answer
Hi
A great question and a dilemma that I think a lot of people have faced and will face. “How honest am I with my employer about “owning up” to suffering from depression.” First of all to give you my personal opinion, this does make me angry that we have to consider hiding depression as if it’s a shameful thing to have, and not as valid as having flu, a bad back etc. Depression is an illness that happens for a variety of reasons and certainly nothing we should ever be ashamed of, and not something we have in any way brought upon ourselves, yet I am aware that on many application forms it asks have you ever been treated for depression - and the “assumption” there is that if we answer yes, this will be investigated more fully and may have an impact on our future promotion prospects or job applications.
It is a tricky one and I will give you my advice but I would also recommend before you take any action that you also take other advice. I would suggest trying to speak to an independent HR Professional. A lot of companies provide staff with confidential Employee Assistance Schemes, I wonder if your company has anything like this? Also I would try your local CAB http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ or The Mental Health Charity Mind have a legal advice service 0845 522 59393 email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
If you feel that you need to speak to your boss and the anxiety of not saying anything is adding to your anxiety, thus creating a vicious circle, then I would suggest speaking to your boss, and ensuring that you have someone else with you, whom you trust and who can support you. Before you have the conversation, be clear in your mind about what you want the outcome to be. For example, would you like a reduced working week (maybe 4 days), a shorter day - or to be moved to a different department, or simply want things to stay how they are, but you just want your boss to be aware of what is going on for you?
In your meeting, tell your boss how you have been feeling and how well you have been managing the symptoms, maybe you would choose to share with him or her what things you know can trigger episodes. Tell them that you are committed to your job, you value it and that you are having this converation because you want work through it whilst still efficiently carrying out your role. If on the day of the scheduled meeting you feel very emotional / low etc, I would suggest you postpone the meeting to a time when you are feeling stronger.
I wish you well and I hope that one day we can confidently speak about depression at work in the same way as we would the flu - without any stigma! I do believe that there are probably many people in your organisation and in all others, who are suffering from depression in silence out of fear of the repercussions if they “admitted” to it. A shame in these days of ultra political correctness, this may have slipped under the net for now.
With all good wishes for a favourable outcome for you.
I do hope this helps and you feel clearer about what to do next.
Allison x
Allison Kelsey
Therapist, coach and trainer
‘Release the past, create the future you want’.
Question
Carer supportI have been supporting someone very close to me who has depression over a lengthy period of time.This is sometimes difficult especially when he is at very low points. He hates to be a burden, is naturally a very sensitive and caring person but when really low is naturally absorbed in his situation. I accept that readily and try to be very supportive and don’t expect a lot of consideration. However, I have begun to find this difficult. For example, we talk whenever he feels the need to but he is completely unwilling to talk when I ask to do so. Although very close friends he has begun to avoid conversation which relates to me even though I try to avoid offloading. This has become a major problem and causing a rift because he is avoiding talking at all if the topic of conversation does not relate to him. I want to continue to help but it feels like rejection of a longstanding friendship. Maybe you could advise me if and how I can continue to overcome this or alternatively accept that at this point it would be better if I accept my friendship is not needed. There could be other explanations for this behaviour that I have not appreciated. I do not want to either pursue contact where it is not wanted or withdraw causing feelings of abandonment but at the moment I am at a loss. Can you advise me?
Answer
Thank you for your question. You sound like a wonderful person and a very understanding and loyal friend who has been there for your friend through the good and the bad times. I will do my best to answer this here, but without knowing either of you and the full details it is not that easy to say when and how would be the best time to speak to your friend. I will give you a few different perspectives to consider.
If he is as good a friend as he sounds and you are willing to invest the huge amount of support and unconditional acceptance that it is likely to involve (and has already
involved), then there is no reason why this relationship cannot move forward to become a mutually supportive and a good one again. If, as it sounds, he is very low at the moment, then you may need to be prepared that in the first instance, you may need to constantly and continually reassure him that you are there for him and accept him and that he is very worthy of your friendship. Maybe now isn’t the best time to try to discuss your feelings with him. As you acknowledge, depression is a very isolating illness. The sufferer’s thoughts become very introverted and internalized and he is probably spending too long ruminating and probably cannot even contemplate talking about anything at the moment.
You haven’t said if your friend has been to see his GP or is taking anti-depressants or if he is having any counseling or therapy for the issues he is and has been facing? If he is not, then my recommendation would be that he speaks to his GP about referral for some kind of therapy where he can work one to one with a qualified therapist who can help him.You may want to be careful that in this relationship you are drawing the line between becoming his therapist and his friend. It is one thing to become totally supportive and accepting and offering love and friendship, than it is to be his ‘unofficial’ therapist. If you unwittingly take on this role, it would be very difficult to move this forward to become a mutually loving and supportive and equal friendship.You say that you are a close friend. I am not sure from your email if you want the friendship to become more than a friendship. If you do you may want to consider that, initially, it may be best to create a really strong bond as a close friend to this guy and be by his side to help him through this - before you move the relationship onto an intimate one. If you have always played the role of his carer, given the black hole he is in at the moment he is not going to be able to see that you want, deserve and need more. If you have had a mutual relationship and friendship in the past and you’ve taken on a carer role since that time it must seem even harder right now. Even if you don’t answer these questions to us, try answering them to yourself, it is important to help you decide what to do.
A few things to consider and I hope you find these useful.
Do look inside and trust your intuition and your heart as the best path to take here.
One last thing - ask yourself your reasons / motives for helping him - if you are one of the world’s ‘helpers’, ‘healers’ or ‘carers’ - then I am sure you are a wonderfully warm human being, but at the same time, if you ‘need’ the fix of looking after someone then this can lead to a co-dependant relationship which isn’t healthy for either of you.
I have tried to suggest a few different viewpoints here and I hope that help you to
decide what is best for you and this guy.
With best wishes,
Allison x
Allison Kelsey
Therapist, coach, trainer
‘Release the past and create the future you want’
http://www.inspirenow.co.uk